Search Results: Jennifer Talbert
Lately, I can say I have definitely been frustrated and have expressed feelings of hate towards my hair.
We all go through ups and downs with our hair, whether it be seasonal frustrations, hormone changes or just plain boredom, but my negative thoughts have been swirling inside for almost a year and a half.
It started in the mornings with tears and angry moments and as soon as I finished styling, I would take one look in the mirror and toss it straight up into a high bun. Not being any better, often times I receive a ton of compliments on “how cute” my curls are piled on top of my head, which would then send me into this rambling conversation about how frustrated I have been with my hair. I realized I couldn’t even take a compliment about my hair so, I decided to break it down, to look at my specific reasons why I had fallen out of love with my curls.
An initial discovery was that every morning before even saying something nice to myself, I would already be beating myself down with thoughts about my hair and how it was not living up to how curly hair should look!
Thinning Hair
It’s been almost two years since I lost a job that meant the world to me, but not only did I lose that job, but I lost my family and friends too…and I’ve never felt stress like I did at that point my life. That moment was a total wrecking ball on my body because I allowed myself to be so emotionally distraught that I depleted myself of vitamins and nutrients that I needed to be healthy. And with that came hair loss. I was pulling out chunks of my hair when I washed it, due to the stress of my life causing it to fall out. It was such a soul-crushing experience, that even now that it’s growing in I still have fears of it thinning again.
My hair makes me feel unique, so when it started falling out it sent me into a panic. After the sourness of life’s circumstances started to wear off, my hair shifted and was no longer something I recognized in the mirror.
I have been working hard at self-love for years and with my journey comes the acceptance of the state of my hair right now. I must admit, I am frustrated with myself though for allowing my mind to control my body. Could I have prevented my hair loss had I been stronger handling that type of emotional stress?
Insta Envy
Another thing is social media. I pride myself on having an Instagram account that is completely me, a place for me to showcase my photos and thoughts. I promised myself to never feel pressured to take certain photos or say certain things so that would land more likes. I read all kinds of things about how comparison is the death of all creativity and every time I saw that I would think to myself, “Not me. I know what’s good.”
But I totally I fell victim to it, just not in the way I thought.
It had nothing to do with my account and everything to do with how I saw myself in others’ accounts. I compare my hair constantly to people on Instagram. “Why do they have so much volume? Why can’t I find someone to cut my hair in that way? I wish I had that texture.” It is an awful cycle that happens almost everytime I see someone with curly hair. I’m sure we all do this to some extent, but when does a question about someone else’s process become unhealthy?
I love seeing other curly-haired girls and accounts like NaturallyCurly because they’re an amazing resource for topics like this and people like me. Naturally Curly covers conversations about all walks of the curly hair journey and I have found so much information, but I’ve also found though that I am trying to see my hair as something it’s not.
I want volume– the bigger the better.
When I see others with 3a and 3b curls, I start to convince myself that because their hair is the same curly style as mine it should look the same. I allowed myself to become a part of a false reality of what everyday curly hair looks like.
The Battle with Products and Cuts
Oftentimes with my hair too, I feel like I am doing something wrong styling wise. I used to unknowingly use products that weren’t good for my hair to accomplish the look that I wanted. When I discovered that these products weren’t good for my curls, I decided to switch things up. Most products I tried after my initial discovery, gave me really soft curls. Sounds great, right? Right! I live on Florida’s Gulf Coast where the humidity hovers around 85% almost all year though, and the soft look doesn’t quite work here, so my curls instantly lose shape the second I step outside.
I also have a lot of hair, but my individual strands are pretty fine. On my quest to find products that worked for my hair, I have tried everything from gels to leave-in conditioners, oils and just about every DevaCurl product I could find. I even got a Deva cut a few months ago, and while it made my curls look incredibly healthy, the shape of the cut did nothing for boosting volume at the root.
I wish I could say I knew the answer right now to get over my frustrations with my hair, but I absolutely don’t and I think that is OK. What matters is that I am conscious of my negative thoughts about my curls. I don’t have my 20 something hair anymore, but I’m still fortunate to have the hair that I do. We are all unique and that’s what makes this community of curls so much fun. I practice self-love every day and I can truly say that I do love myself. Right now though, this is where I am with my hair– stuck. I need a good boost of confidence with an amazing cut to help me fall in love with my curls again.
Have you ever experienced frustrations with your hair before?
Share your story with us in the comments and on Facebook!
Being a Florida native has caused most of the issues I have had with my hair.
It’s hard having all this curly hair and then stepping out into 90% humidity! The humidity, coupled with the fact that I didn’t know what I was doing in life, has hurled me into a state of self-care, starting with my curls. I have always loved my curls but often felt frustrated with caring for them, so I am thankful for resources like NaturallyCurly that have pushed me to this new path. These are the factors that lead me to this new state of enlightenment with who I am and my curly locks.
Hair Loss
Over the last 7 years, I worked hard at becoming successful in my career. As a woman, I took each step up the ladder with what felt like a million pounds of pressure. I fell into the “I am too busy” trap and allowed myself to indulge in that way of life. When it all came crumbling down last year, the weight of everything hit me smack in the face. The emotion of losing a job and the tiring years I put into it decided to show itself physically by falling out of my scalp. Wash day in my house became a boohoo fest with chunks of hair falling from my head. My hair started thinning right around the crown and after multiple tests, my doctor concluded that emotional stress and lack of an outlet to release it had lowered some vitamin levels and caused my hair to thin.
According to the American Hair Loss Association, women make up 40% of people who suffer from hair loss, and yet we are held to punishingly high standards in regard to our appearance. It is one of the most heart-wrenching things I have ever experienced and instantly sent me into a panic every time I set out to wash my hair. After visiting with my doctor, I realized I needed to take some steps to DESTRESS (1″> because I love myself and (2″> I really love my hair.
I started meditating, started a blog, worked on my photography and overall started to focus on how to be myself fully, even with my thinned hair. It’s a work in progress, but every day gets better. If you are experiencing hair loss, consult with your doctor and/or a dermatologist or trichologist.
Products
Dun Dun Dun– the nightmare of the overused hair products, it’s happened to us all and yet still shocks every time. I have a habit of over-committing to one sequence with a certain set of products, and act surprised when it isn’t working for me anymore! In my early years, my life was all about gel and hairspray. When I pinned it up, I couldn’t have a single hair out of place. Then I moved on to mousse, and still to this day I like using it every now and then. Other than mousse I didn’t do much with it besides shampoo and condition. It wasn’t until someone introduced me to Moroccan Oil that I realized there were many products waiting for me! I think this has been one of the hardest lessons that I continually have to re-learn because I don’t actually learn the lesson. It is important to have products that I can’t let go of, but it’s equally as important for me to rotate through some products with different methods. This way I can cycle through and keep my curlies feeling nourished, no matter what climate or conditions my hair is in. Recently I have been into Ouidad Climate Control Gel with cream, using a SheaMoisture Curl Enhancing Smoothie and mousse (I’m open to finding a good one”>.
Self Care
Up until this year, deep conditioning was something that I NEVER did. I have passed by so many deep conditioning products in my life and never blinked an eye. Honestly, this has been one of my FAVORITE steps in my hair routine. My little ladies look so healthy and shiny after a deep condition. I have been stuck on SheaMoisture Sacha Inchi Oil Rescue and Repair Masque. There are so many benefits to using a deep conditioner and one of my top reasons for doing so is the self-care and pampering aspect. Wrapping this into my Sunday wash routine has made me stop and evaluate what other types of self-care can I include into my daily routine to feel great and decompress!
Girl With Curl Seeking Stylist
I have been so hard on myself over the past two years about neglecting my hair. For the curlies living in an area lacking services for curls specifically, I FEEL YOU! It is brutal out there and I am utterly terrified of getting a bad cut. I had an amazing stylist for two years. This was until the farewell email came through *sigh*. She was fearless, not scared of curls and was so open to having fun with my hair. Since her departure a couple of years ago, I have managed to get 3 haircuts in total. Fortunately, I found the Salon Finder on NaturallyCurly and pinpointed a local stylist who is trained in Deva Cuts! This could not have come at a better time, as I was just about ready to drive to six hours to find someone who specialized in cuts for curls. I feel so ready for whatever change is coming my way.
My curls are perfectly suited for me. They go with my style and bring out my personality. I can throw them up on top of my head and still feel like the most beautiful babe around. The last few years have been the biggest eye opener in regards to my health and the health of my hair. I am a big believer in the “never too late” mentality, and that is the route I plan to take with my curls. I hope this journey with my hair opens up my mind about who I am and how I perceive myself.
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