A Day in the Life

This is the first in an ongoing series of features about some of the top curl stylists. We take you behind the chair to experience a day in their life. This month, we get up close and personal with Christo, global artistic director at New York’s posh Christo Fifth Avenue, a salon catering to the world’s curlies, including a long list of celeb clients.

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“Half businessman, half artist,” that’s how Christo describes himself. To his clients, though, he’s all charm.

“Christo rocks!” one long-time client blurted out with a smile on a recent wintry day at Christo Fifth Avenue Salon in New York. She is one of a dozen curly clients Christo will style, cut or color on any given day. Working nonstop for hours on his feet is far from easy, but Christo makes it seem as welcoming as a tropical breeze.

So, how does he do it?

To find out, I spent a day shadowing the curl expert. Despite his veteran status, he not only continues to take clients, but also runs his salon with a crew of 10 stylists, manages his own product lines (with new ones in the works”> and designs one-of-a-kind, lavishly upscale (read: $300 to $4,800″> cuff links.

Christo is somewhat of a walking showcase for his jeweled baubles (and for the latest fashions”> and he wouldn’t have it any other way. During my visit, he wore a custom-made Italian designer suit, Ferragamo belt, and perfectly polished Bruno Magli shoes.

“My wardrobe is fierce,” he acknowledges. “I like to wear designers’ [clothing] and I’m a designer.”

In fact, outside the salon, Christo often collaborates with fashion designers to create hairstyles for the Fashion Week runways. He also takes private bookings for celebrities and the political elite. (Whew! Just rattling off his list of to-dos seems exhausting.”> Before noon on this biting-cold Friday in early December, Christo has already gently ushered a few clients in and out of his chair.

He effortlessly flits from brief chats with his marketing executive (“Do you need me?” she asks”> back to his chair (“If you have time we should do a Deep Therapy Masque,” he suggests to a client with dehydrated curls”> to even supervising the assistants in charge of shampooing. Christo doesn’t assume assistants will choose the right shampoo and conditioner for each client. “I tell them specifically what to use,” Christo says. He monitors it all, but without too much hovering.

12:00 p.m.

With his customary kiss on each cheek (mwah-mwah!”> and a hug, he welcomes in his next client with shoulder-length raven curls. Within minutes, this long-time client is in his chair, chatting on her cellphone. He’s already getting started, scissors in hand. She doesn’t flinch.

“Are you going to talk to her about what she wants?” I ask.

“I already know what she wants, and sometimes I don’t let them choose,” he says with a chuckle and a smile.

In the midst of the trim, Christo’s personal assistant quietly steps in to ask him to confirm a time for his upcoming trip to Washington. (He signed on as the stylist for a few dozen celebrities arriving in the nation’s capitol for inauguration parties in honor of President-elect Barack Obama.”>

He confirms and goes back to his scissors for a few more finishing snips. Then, he’s off again. “Excuse me for a second,” Christo says, as he makes his way to welcome the next curly client, a twenty-something redhead whose thick, fiery curls seem to float down her back.

With another mwah-mwah welcome, he starts to send her to the back for a wash, but she stops him to quietly ask if he can blow it straight today. “Well, that’s an extra charge,” Christo says, encouraging her to keep her curls intact. “Your curls are beautiful.” She skips the blowout.

Back to the raven-haired client. “Would you like some coffee, tea?” he asks, then sends her under the dryer.

12:50 p.m.

The fiery redhead is cleansed and seated in Christo’s chair for a trim. They chat and laugh, with the familiarity of dear friends. “You need an updated picture of your daughter,” she teases. “It’s at least six months old!”

After cleaning up the ends of her mane, she’s off to be styled and set under the dryer.

Christo continues to shuttle back and forth between clients, skips lunch (which he says is common”> but doesn’t complain.

1:35 p.m.

The curly redhead is back in his chair for a final style check. “It looks great,” he says, reassuringly. She then turns to me: “He tells me you have to make your hair happy.” She smiles and out the door she goes.

Christo focuses his attention now to mixing color for his next client, Karen Goldstein, who lives in California but only colors her curls when she is able to make a trip to New York to see Christo. Today it’s low-lights.

“Make sure you cover the gray,” she says.

“Well, we can do a glaze between the foils, but I don’t think you need it yet,” he says.

“Okay, I trust you,” she responds, then turns to me: “He’s been doing my hair for 10 years. My relationship with Christo lasted longer than my marriage!”

As the day goes on, Christo is finally able to relish a few free moments after learning that one of his appointments cancelled. An assistant immediately steps out to retrieve one of his favorite treats: an extra-strong, extra-hot chai latte from Starbucks. While sipping his only nourishment for the day, he briefly meets with his publicist to make corrections to his regular column he’ll submit to Cyprus Mail, an English-language newspaper in Greece.

3:00 p.m.

Another three clients have been moving through the salon, from the sinks to Christo’s chair and then the dryer. Not all are exactly chatty, so Christo morphs into a chameleon and adjusts to their more subdued temperaments.

“Everyone has their special needs and I try to accommodate them as best I can,” he says.

One restless client tells him she’s in a rush, but it appears she may simply want a bit of extra attention.

“Sometimes, clients don’t want to share you,” Christo says.

3:45 p.m.

Fielding a few more questions from his publicist, Christo answers a quick call and then confirms his attendance at a party to be thrown by an ambassador to Qatar. It seems Christo is in demand almost as much as the high-profile clients he styles. Still, he says he always manages to find balance in his charmed life. Sundays are always reserved for his family and, to stay even more centered, he practices Tae Kwon Do (he has a black belt”> a few times a week in the evenings. Aside from martial arts, his passions are watches (he owns more than two dozen, including a Rolex”>, fashionable clothing, fast cars and, of course, styling curly hair.

“I don’t see this as work,” he says. “I see this as coming to a place, doing what I love and getting paid for it.”

As Bravo’s reality show “Millionaire Matchmaker” gears up for a second season helping the wealthiest men find love, there’s no telling what controversial remarks host Patti Stanger will make this time around. It’s hard to forget the angst and anger the show’s star stirred in the curly community last season with her caustic comments about hair.

During one searing moment that caused many viewers to cringe, Stanger ordered women with curly hair to find a flat iron or they’re out! She even compared one curly girl’s hair to a brillo pad. Ouch! Men only want women with straight, silky hair that they can run their fingers through, the brazen matchmaker told the group of wide-eyed, hopeful bachelorettes.

But could it really be true? If a woman can’t (or won’t”> crush her curls, is she doomed to be crushed in love?

We posed that question to a handful of the leading matchmakers who attended the Professional Matchmaking Worldwide Conference in New Jersey last month. Although the love-life coaches we spoke to showed respect for the abrasive-matchmaker-turned-reality-star (after all, Stanger is credited with hundreds of marriages”>, they were not so quick to quash curlies:

Julie Paiva, CEO, Table for Six Total Adventures: “Curly hair or straight hair is not the point. Men fall in love with women who love men — women who make them feel attractive, strong and confident. What men want more than anything is to be the hero. It’s actually really easy to get a man to fall in love with you, if you just start treating the men in your life the same way you treat the women in your life. We’re always telling women how funny they are, that they’re so smart, they’re amazing! But for some reason, we’re reluctant to give men the same compliment because we’re fearful they’re going to take our power away. We need to show love and not be afraid of getting hurt — and get the walls down.”

Paul Falzone, CEO, The Right One/Together Dating: “I think curly hair is wonderful. Yes, some people are not attracted to women with curly hair. Maybe the guy dated a girl with curly hair in high school and she broke his heart and he’ll never date another girl with curly hair. But I don’t think your hair has a lot to do with what you’re looking for in a relationship. Whether your hair is curly, straight, blond, brunette, redhead, you should go for it!”

Lisa Clampitt, President, VIP Life: “Men look at the whole package. For my female members with curly hair their hair just fits in to who they are, their personality and their attractiveness. There’s not a specific anti-curly hair [message from men]. It’s really the whole package of who a woman is and how she presents herself. Take Julia Roberts. She’s a really hot sex symbol for a lot of men and she has the curliest hair. But some men don’t find her attractive at all, so it’s just a matter of taste.”

Bill Paye, COO, Romance Pros: “If the hair is long — straight or curly is great. My girlfriend has naturally curly hair. Sometimes she straightens it, and it looks great both ways. Long, naturally curly hair is a great look and I think most guys like that look.”

Julie Ferman, Founder & CEO, Calif.-based Cupid’s Coach: “In my Cupid’s Coach personal match-making system, I don’t see women with curly hair getting any less interest or activity than women with straight hair. I will say women who keep their hair long, as opposed to butchy and short, get a much better response from the men. But I don’t think that it has to do with curly or straight.”

Since it appears that many men are open to all hair textures, will Stanger ultimately soften her rigid-straight stance on curly hair in the show’s second season? Or will hairstyles simply be overshadowed by a new controversy in upcoming episodes? You never know what to expect with Stanger, which appears to be exactly what draws in the many viewers who love to hate her.

Stay tuned!

Q: I love your hair. Do you two-strand twist it to get that effect? I don’t have as much hair as you do, but I’m looking forward to growing mine out to the length you have in the picture. The top of my hair is growing much faster than the rest and I want to know how to coax it downward instead of it standing straight up all over. I’d love to know what products you use to get your look as well.

Titi: Thanks! I don’t 2-strand twist my hair. I have a Silkener which I fingerstyle. I switch off different products for different effects. Lately, I’ve been using Miss Jessie’s Stretch Silkening Creme for fingerstyling it when wet. If your hair is totally natural I would recommend Shingling the hair with Miss Jessie’s Curly Pudding when wet to get the hair to move in a downward motion.

Q: I need some advice/help. Since I have been trying to do better by my curls (i.e. natural curl-friendly products, no heat, conditioner washing, not straightening, and more moisturizing”>, it’s like I have two TOTALLY different textures of hair on my head. I haven’t straightened my hair in over a month (a long time for me”>. I know we all have a mix of different types of hair, but here is my issue. The front of my hair is getting straighter and straighter while the rest of my hair is getting more defined and curlier. What am I to do?

Titi: This is not uncommon. Straightening the hair tends to leave the front sections straighter than the rest because that area tends to get handled the most. Try to get all the hair to look more consistent. Do a twist set or a spiral rod set to make all the curls look the same. The key is that you have to wear your hair curly to “train” it to remain in that formation.

Q:: How do you achieve that “hang”, so to speak? My hair (4a”> is a decent length, and when it’s still kind of wet, I get the weight that I like. It’ll hang and looks nice overall. But once it’s completely dry, it just kind of stays in one spot. I don’t know if people achieve that “hang” with thicker hair, longer hair or specific products.

Titi: Ah, the “Hang.” What causes naturally curly hair to hang is when the individual strands are stretched out and elongated so that they are free to move about. This can be accomplished chemically with a Silkener or thermally with heat. If you are doing it by heat fingerstyling your naturally curly hair, when the hair is completely dry, take the nozzle tip of a blow dryer and blast heat to the root area, halfway down the hair shaft. This minimizes the tightly compacted nature of curly hair that it tends to adopt after the hair is dried. This stretching-out technique will create the movement that you are looking for!

Q: My hair (3c”> is about shoulder-length and I’m having trouble with frizz (mainly the top part, which is weird”>. Ever since my hair got damaged when I was younger, from chemically straightening it, it’s become really frizzy. I’m currently using stuff to get it healthy again; however, everyone tells me using gels defeats the purpose of using products to get my hair normal again. How do I battle this frizz?

Titi: Frizzy hair is generally damaged hair. Deep conditioning treatments like Miss Jessie’s Rapid Recovery Treatment are really helpful in plumping and filling the hair shaft so that the strand appears consistent from root to end. You should also avoid gels that contain alcohol, which can be very drying to the hair.

Q: How is it possible that I have tiny little knots on individual strands of hair (3c”>. Is there a way to stop it? It looks like someone purposely took one strand of hair and tied it into a knot at the bottom. I guess my hair is just that curly. I’ve noticed several and there is no way for me to undo them.

Titi: I’ve seen this phenomenon before, and although it’s very annoying, there is a way to minimize the knotting. Knotting occurs when the strands tangle unto themselves and form a knot at the end. By keeping the hair fully moisturized and making the strands of the hair “slippery,” this can really cut down on the amount of knotting that tends to occur in a dry hair environment.

Q:: I’m confused about the best way to deep condition. Should I apply it to dry or wet hair? What’s the best way to get the most out of my deep conditioner?

Titi: Apply deep conditioner to wet hair. Wet hair is in its most pliable state. Heat really amplifies the effect of a deep-conditioning treatment because heat causes the cuticle of hair to swell, thereby allowing the treatment to penetrate the shaft more deeply. Apply your treatment to wet hair. If you are in the shower, apply the treatment to your hair and allow the steam from the shower to penetrate each strand for about 15 minutes. Rinse with warm water and then finish with a “cold shot” rinse to close the cuticle down. If you have an hood dryer, apply the treatment to wet hair and sit under an overhead dryer with a high heat for approximately 15-20 minutes. Follow the rinsing instructions above!

Contact Titi or read her bio.

When one of the Pussycat Dolls recently spoke out about the dating dilemmas of the notoriously sexy girl group, the comments struck an oddly familiar (yet still surprising”> chord in the world of single gals. Kimberly Wyatt told the UK’s Daily Star, a national tabloid newspaper, that she thought men find her – and her other single members of the Pussycat Dolls – intimidating because they are strong and independent.

Well, women with curly hair are commonly stereotyped as being strong and independent. It’s not insulting until the description expands to include a word that no single girl really wants to hear (or be”>: intimidating. When you hear it over and over again, it’s annoying. It’s enough to make a curly girl dizzied in frizz, especially when you’re supposedly intimidating the very people you want to attract: single men!

You just don’t want to believe that a man can really be scared off by a strong, independent curlyhead. Seriously, is curly hair and all it represents really intimidating to men? Say it ain’t so! Love-life coaches say it depends on what you’re representing. They say what really makes women intimidating are the back-off signals they send — signals that women are probably not even aware of when they’re on a date.

“I don’t think that it has to do with curly or straight hair,” says Julie Ferman, founder and CEO of Calif.-based Cupid’s Coach. “I do find that women who are masculine in their presentation and pushy, though, they don’t tend to get second dates. But if a woman is soft and feminine and that’s how her physical presentation is, in romance she’s going to do much better. She needs to let her hair down and wear something that shows that she’s a female.”

Matchmaker Lisa Clampitt, president of New York’s VIP Life, agrees. “If a woman has a really wild, untamed curly hairstyle, that’s representing something in her personality that is demonstrated by her hair,” she says. “But it’s not just the curly hair, it’s also the statement she’s making — it’s a part of fashion. Our hair is an accessory representing who we are and how we want to represent ourselves.”

Women who come across as open, friendly, non-judgmental and communicative, with a little sex appeal mixed in, will fare the best when looking for love, according to Clampitt. On the other hand, women who emerge from one too many breakups with a sense of entitlement, a hardened heart, no smile and closed body posture will indeed scare off (read: intimidate”> men, she says.

As for hair? Curly or straight, it has little to do with the intimidation factor, according to Paul Falzone, CEO of The Right One/Together Dating, a nationwide matchmaking service.

“I think women need to be feminine and show their femininity to show that they’re a sexy, wonderful individual to be a partner with, but I cannot in any way fathom that curly hair is going to scare a man away,” Falzone says, “I think the stronger a woman is, the more confident a guy she’s going to get.”

In fact, dating coaches say don’t bother wasting energy to hide your strength or success. Instead, focus your efforts on allowing your femininity to show, which is a “huge” factor, says matchmaker Julie Paiva, founder and CEO of Calif.-based Table for Six Total Adventures.

“When a woman goes on a date, she needs to discard the corporate attitude that got her where she is financially and professionally,” Paiva says. “She should let her hair down, put on some dangly earrings, strappy sandals, and some lip gloss and not be afraid she’s playing games. Rather, that’s showing her authentic femininity and it’s authentic to be sexy as a woman.”

Dos and Don’ts To Make it To A Second Date

Feeling unlucky in love? Try these matchmakers’ simple rules to send flirty (not fearful”> signs that will get you to a love connection.

• DO allow a date to impress you.
• DON’T dominate the conversation and finish his sentences.
• DO act friendly and upbeat.
• DON’T act bitter or close him off with your body posture.
• DO show your femininity in the way you act and dress.
• DON’T bring a corporate attitude (or wear a suit!”> to the date.
• DO act supportive and nonjudgmental.
• DON’T look at men as projects.

The year was 2004. The summer Olympics drew thousands of athletes to Athens in a fight for the gold — and curl guru Ouidad learned that she won the emotional equivalent of the gold medal after her arduous fight with breast cancer. At last, she felt free.

The devastating diagnosis had come two years earlier. After undergoing major surgery, the author of “Curl Talk” and owner of New York’s Ouidad Salon recalls the exact moment she learned she was cancer-free. Ouidad’s husband was by her side. They were beyond thrilled, but little did they know how their joy would create an inspiring ripple effect in the curly community.

“It was an emotional time and it was a jubilant time between us because we were so excited and grateful.” Ouidad says. “Then we started talking about how we wished the doctors and the information we have today was around in 1982.”

That was the year Ouidad lost her mother to breast cancer, after being diagnosed with the disease just a few years earlier. She was 50. To honor her, Ouidad made two substantial donations every year to breast cancer research.

“I was very close to my mom, and it was a major loss to me,” Ouidad says. “Then, I was diagnosed with breast cancer the same age as my mother was diagnosed, and it was emotionally overwhelming for me.”

That overpowering feeling quickly morphed into strength and determination as she prepared for the fight of her life. Ouidad ultimately emerged victorious and has been cancer-free for four years. Although her personal struggle came to a joyous end in 2004, the family’s crusade for others stricken with the disease was just getting started.

“My husband and business partner, Peter, said we have to do something that is more substantial [beyond personal donations],” Ouidad recalls.

“Once we found out that Ouidad was cancer-free, my mind took off,” explains Peter Wise, her husband and business partner. “I thought, how do we change the future? My thoughts turned to my daughter and I knew we had to take action. Ouidad’s mother died of breast cancer. Ouidad developed breast cancer. Because we have a daughter, we wanted to join in and find a cure for breast cancer.”

The couple started by donating 50 percent of the proceeds from the sale of a pink limited-edition Ouidad Deep Treatment to the Breast Cancer Research Foundation.

“We raised almost $60,000 with that alone,” Ouidad says.

But Ouidad and her husband wanted to do more – much more. The following year, in 2005, they started their own foundation, Curls for a Cure. In partnership with the Breast Cancer Research Foundation, the money raised will support one researcher to help find a cure.

“It’s not just about giving a piece of money,” Ouidad says. “It’s giving piece of mind knowing that someone is working with the money we’re raising, which makes it much more tangible emotionally and spiritually.”

Launched in 2005, Curls for a Cure is promoted year-round on Ouidad.com, where anyone (whether they are Ouidad’s clients or not”> can make a donation. To quickly up the ante, Ouidad also guarantees to match dollar for dollar — up to $50,000 a year — on all donations received through the program.

“Whether you donate a $1 or $8,000, we’ll match it all,” Ouidad says. “We need to raise money to create more research to make it even quicker to reach more people.”

The ongoing fund-raising effort has reigned in nearly $170,000 in donations since its inception. Ouidad’s goal is to raise a quarter of a million dollars.

“If we can meet that, it will be a phenomenal accomplishment,” she says, “and then we keep on going!”

The couple chose to partner exclusively with the Breast Cancer Research Foundation because it puts the most money towards finding a cure, according to Wise.

“More than 90 cents of every dollar goes towards breast cancer research,” Wise says. “Now we have our whole community of customers working with us and it’s a fantastic thing!”

“We really feel like we’re all working towards something,” adds Ouidad. “I want the reality to be that if you get diagnosed with breast cancer, it will be like having a cold, you’ll be fine.”

Until then, Ouidad continues to reach out to other breast cancer survivors, whether it be to listen to her client’s personal struggles or share her own — and then offer inspiration.

“After breast cancer, it reinforced my core [self] and made me more determined to help everyone I can,” Ouidad says. “I’m not a material girl. I’m successful and can have anything I want, but I don’t live a big life. When I’m gone, I want people to say she’s the one who created the curly hair industry — and she’s the one who helped her clients emotionally through a tough time in their lives.”

Ouidad also found strength by overcoming her own tough time with the disease. Her outlook on life changed.

“I enjoy every single day. I enjoy every customer. I enjoy every story they share,” Ouidad says. “I enjoy every little thing I do!”

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Ouidad Offers Stress-Free Tips for a Healthy-hair Comeback

After you’ve long lost your hair from cancer treatment, and finally start to see your hair inching its way back, you’ll likely notice it doesn’t look the same.

“Almost every woman, after losing their hair, when it grows back it’s almost always the opposite texture from what her hair was,” says Ouidad, a breast cancer survivor, author of CurlTalk, and owner of New York’s Ouidad Salon, the Curl Education Center. “It’s because of the chemical reaction in your body from the treatments to kill the cancer.”

If you had tight curls before treatment, they may come back looser or even straight, she says. If you had loose curls, they may come back as tight coils. But the change is often not permanent, and your hair usually returns to its previous curl pattern within a year to 18 months. As the hair grows back, there is more to think about than adjusting to the new texture.

Here, Ouidad shares five steps to healthy hair for breast cancer survivors.

Be Patient

“Some women get their hair back very gray, then when it falls out and their regular hair starts to come back, little by little the color comes back,” Ouidad says. “So, try not to be anxious about it.”

Remember, your curly locks will usually go back to their normal color and curl pattern after the effect of chemotherapy on the hair follicle wears off.

Conditioning is Critical

If you never really got around to staying consistent with conditioning treatments in the past, it’s time to get diligent. Use a deep treatment every two weeks, in addition to your daily conditioner, Ouidad recommends.

“Even though it’s new hair, it’s not fully conditioned because internally you’re still dealing with cleansing yourself of the chemicals [from the cancer treatments],” she says.

Hold off on Highlights/Color

“Don’t start coloring your hair right away,” Ouidad says. “Wait at least one year. You want the new hair to have substantial growth. Again, it’s going to take a while as your body cleanses itself of the [treatment] chemicals.”

Try Helpful Hair Accessories

While your hair is growing, you’re grateful, but it’s just never seems to come in as quickly as you’d like. For the in-between stage, you can show off the growth you have, as you accessorize.

“You can do so many things with accessories. You can go with extensions or beautiful scarves,” Ouidad says.

Take the time to invest in a beautiful accessory, one that is special to you. Then, wear it in a creative way — and with pride!

Enjoy What You Have

Going through cancer treatments and losing your hair is a drastic and stressful time, so embrace the joy of being on the other side of it — even if your hair is different or grows exceptionally slow.

No matter the color, no matter how curly or straight, when it comes to your hair, Ouidad says: “Celebrate that it’s back!”

Q: I have a major problem with my hair. I was careless with my styling for a couple of years, and now there is a lot of damage. Basically, on the top of my head, my hair has gone straight. I have very curly hair with pretty tight curls, but I basically can’t wear it down anymore without using a curling iron because so much of it is straight. I’ve been getting regular haircuts to cut off the damage, but there is still a lot of straight hair that looks terrible. The roots are curly, though. What can I do for now about the straight parts? Would perming them be possible? I’m just not sure what the best option is. I have been making sure I deep condition it often but I don’t think there’s any hope of actually repairing the straight ones. What would you suggest?

Dickey: The good news is that you’ve acknowledged why your ends are straight (too much thermal straightening”>. Regular hair cuts do little to help your problem unless you’re cutting all the straight stuff off at some point. You are going to have to decide for yourself what it is you want in the end for your hair. What is the goal? Straight? Curly? Both? Straight ends come from blow drying and flat ironing hair that has no more natural oils and moisture left. This leaves the hair exasperated by old conventional shampoos that strip away even more. In the meantime, try shampooing with Hair Rules Daily Cleansing Cream Moisturizing No Suds Shampoo, a new-generation shampoo that is formulated for dryer natural textures. It gently cleans and refreshes hair while leaving hair hydrated and moisturized, which adds more flexibility and elasticity. Also, try wet setting and wrapping your hair to cut down on the intense heat I assume you’re using.

Q. I flat-ironed my hair religiously for two years. A few months ago, I decided to go natural. I’ve been wearing my hair natural, and I haven’t used heat on it at all for the past three months. But it still hasn’t grown at all! Since school started, I do flat iron it once or twice a week. I use a deep conditioner and a heat-protecting spray. And every two weeks, I get a deep-conditioning treatment and a trim every month. So why is my hair not growing?

Dickey: I am a bit unclear as to what you want your hair to do? Do you want curly hair, long curly hair, straight hair, or hair that is long and curly that you can wear straight as well? Are you assuming that it should grow faster because you have not used heat on it for the past three months? How long was the break between the three-month mark and the start of school, when you began using heat on your hair again? I recommend deep-conditioning your hair everyday. You cannot over-condition naturally dry hair because it loves it, and soaks it into the hair follicles. Think more, more, more. Do not think that because you are deep conditioning your hair every two weeks that it you are doing something special to your hair. Also, using a heat-protecting spray to your hair just adds shine and hold. In most cases, it works best for straight styles and makes your flat iron work more effectively. If you are trying to grow your hair, I recommend lightly trimming the ends of your hair every two and a half to three months. This maintenance helps get rid of all the bad hair. You are not destroying it by too much thermal manipulation in between hair cuts. But just so you know: monthly hair cuts will not produce any length.

Q: I’m looking for a product that can revive my curls when they’re a bit off. Maybe just a spritz of something? Any ideas?

Dickey: Depending on your curl pattern — kinky, curly or wavy — lightly reapply your favorite styling product by adding a little to a water bottle, shake it up and mist and scrunch it, or flip your head over and shake it. You might also want to try moisturizing Hair Rules Hydrating Finishing Cream, which can be used in much the same way. Lightly mist dry, parched curls as you shake them, and apply the finishing cream a pea-sized amount at a time to your curls with an open hand. Be careful not to rake your fingers through your hair because this can cause frizz, and you’ll need to go through the whole process again.

Q: Please suggest a light oil to leave in my 3a/b hair. I have been using olive oil overnight before using low sulfate shampoo, which has helped me enormously. So I’d like to try a very light oil to leave in. Please suggest the best routine for this. I’m looking for extra moisture and shine. Castor oil was my first try, and while it certainly helped moisturize, it is too thick for me as a leave in. My hair is thin overall.

Dickey: Refrain from any shampoo! Switch to Hair Rules Daily Cleansing Cream Moisturizing No Suds Shampoo followed by Hair Rules Quench Ultra Rich Conditioner for as long as you desire. To soften your hair, add a little water to it and emulsify. The more you lather it, the softer your hair will be. Rinse and apply Hair Rules Nourishment Leave-In conditioner. After that, apply your favorite styling product followed with Hair Rules Hydrating Finishing Cream. Your hard, dry, parched hair should be a thing of the past.

Q: I have a problem with some curls that have become really stringy and are absolutely refusing to fuse together to form ringlets. Think Shirley Temple ringlets with thin pieces that sticking out. How do I deal with this?

Dickey: You say that you have some curls that have become very stringy. How long has it taken them to become stringy — weeks, months, years? I ask because regular haircuts are essential for springy hair, and if proper haircuts have not been taking place, the the curl pattern can be destroyed.

Q: What can I do to control frizz? I have 4a hair, and when I wake up in the morning, my hair is a huge frizz ball unless I wash it, apply gel and pin curl it. What can I do at night to prevent the frizz?

Dickey: Hopefully you’re wearing a satin scarf and/or a bonnet or sleeping on a satin pillowcase, and you’re not letting too much time elapse between restyling — say two to three days. Also, the gel you’re using — if not formulated with moisturizers and hydrators — will dry out and cause more frizz. Try Hair Rules Curly Whip.

Q: How do I style my son’s hair when it has several different types of curls? His hair is at least 3b/3c/4a. Should I put different products on different parts, layer them or what? Thanks for helping me get it “straightened” out.

Dickey: Everyone has at least two to three textures on one head. As long as you start with a very wet head of hair when applying your styling products, this will at least make all three textures look somewhat similar. Try Hair Rules Curly Whip, using enough to saturate the hair.

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Contact Anthony or read his bio.

Every girl wants to feel beautiful. When you see that look in a guy’s eyes that searches deep into your soul, that makes your fingertips tingle at the slightest touch, that makes your heart do a hop-skip, you can’t help but smile. During this euphoria phase, you’re both giddy, bordering on ridiculous. There’s no denying a connection that’s real and rare.

But as mom may have told you, finding that special connection often comes only after sorting through your fair share of bungled relationships with blockheads. For a curly girl, dating dilemmas can be even more complex when you factor in the guys who expect you to lose your curls and mimic the stick-straight locks of cover girls and superstars. Maybe you even expect yourself to live up to the same stereotype, and don’t even know it.

How to deal? The answer isn’t exactly cut and dry. Just ask 18-year-old Rylee Lutz. Only two years ago, she was waking up bleary eyed every school morning before dawn to begin her two-hour, curl-flattening ritual. It was her twisted little secret, and it ruled her love life. She never even went swimming with her boyfriend, fearing she would be discovered.

“I didn’t want anyone to know,” says Lutz, (Curl type: 3B”>.

But she couldn’t keep her secret for long. While out boating one sunny day, her friends finally persuaded her to get in the water. She ran out of excuses, and just figured it would be easy enough to keep her head above water. No big deal.

“Then I get splashed and I’m just, like, (mad”>,” Lutz says. “My hair got all wet and my boyfriend said, ‘Well, I see now why you never wear your hair curly!'”

Her response? Silence.

But inside, her mind was a screaming chatterbox: “Why do I have this hair?!” It was a cruel mantra.

Dating experts say what we feel inside often shows up in our relationships, whether we realize it or not.

“If you’ve straightened your hair every day (and then he sees you curly”>, you not only set him up, you set yourself up because this is the image you project for yourself and for him to see,” says Maryann Karinch, co-author of “Date Decoder” and other human behavior books. “Not only may he not like your curly hair, but he’s getting on some level that you don’t like it either. And maybe in his awkward way, he’s encouraging you to do what you’ve always done before.”

Or, maybe he really is just a blockhead.

“If you’re with someone who is so superficial that he wouldn’t like you or think you’re attractive just because of your hair, he’s not a good guy for you,” adds Dr. Debra Mandel, psychologist and author of “Dump That Chump.”

Looking back, Lutz knew she picked the wrong guy. But it took time (and plenty more pain”> before she was ready to face the inconvenient truth.

“I learned that you have to be yourself,” says Lutz, who lives in Appleton, Wis. “If you’re confident, it really shines through.”

Sounds simple, right? Just grab yourself some confidence and get on with it. If only it were that easy, says Lutz, who stayed in that rocky relationship a few more months, and continued her rigorous straightening regimen for another year. That is until one early morning, during her usual two-hour prep, she decided to set herself — and her curls — free.

“My dad came in my room and said, ‘What are you going to do when you go to college? Are you going to be in your dorm room for half the day?'” she recalls.

Lutz realized she couldn’t keep up the facade any longer: “I was just like, this is ridiculous.”

In that moment, she vowed to find a way to embrace her curls, even though she still heard that nagging self-conscious voice.

“I thought, ‘Guys don’t like curly hair, so they’re not going to like me,’ or whatever,” she says. “But it’s kinda silly because now I love my curly hair. It started to grow and become really healthy.”

Fast forward a year to high school graduation, and Lutz is voted “second best hair in a class of 400,” she says. “Even guys said, ‘Your hair is sweet now. It looks awesome!'”

Her love life is sweeter, too. There’s a new boyfriend and, yes, he loves her curls.

“My boyfriend now knows me so much better because it’s the natural me. And now that I enjoy my curly hair, people can tell,” Lutz says. “I think you should really own what you have!”

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Got a Curl-Phobic Mate?

When your boyfriend makes not-so-nice comments about your curls, how do you know if you unwittingly picked a bad boy or if he’s really a good guy in disguise? Dating experts reveal five secrets to figuring out whether to love him or lose him.

Keep it real, no curl cover-ups

If your hair was straight when you met your boyfriend, and you almost always wear it that way, should you really be surprised when he resists your natural curls?

“People will often feel deceived if what you present to them is not the real thing,” says Dr. Debra Mandel, psychologist and author of “Dump That Chump.” “It’s better early on to say, ‘I have curly hair, and if you don’t like curly hair, let’s not keep dating.'”

Mandel says women aren’t doing themselves any favors by making too many changes, then hiding behind them.

“It’s cool to make some changes when you’re already confident about who you are, trying a different look or style,” she says. “But (straightening your hair”> because you’re trying to cover it up? That’s not the right reason.”

Don’t punish him for telling the truth

If you ask your boyfriend whether he prefers your hair straight or curly, just be mindful you may not get the curl confirmation you’re looking for. And if you get angry at the truth, don’t be surprised if his silence speaks volumes in the future.

“Don’t ever ask a question if you don’t want a real answer,” says Maryann Karinch, coauthor of “Date Decoder.” “You have to look at your own deal breakers. If it’s important for you to be accepted for being a curlyhead, you should really only be with guys who appreciate your natural good looks and are not trying to change you.”

At the same time, Mandel encourages women to not take their boyfriend’s preferences too personally. If he’s not crazy about your curly hair, that doesn’t always mean he’s not crazy about you.

“We can’t help what turns us on,” Mandel says. “As long as the guy we’re with is turned on by us in total, and not just in one aspect, it’s okay that he has a preference about one thing or another.”

Give him a chance to lean into change

If at first glance he doesn’t like your curly locks, stop and take a breath. Don’t just assume the worst and kick him to the curb.

“It’s always important to have a conversation about it before jumping to conclusions,” Mandel says. “When there’s a change, sometimes it takes a while to get used to it. Straight to curly, that’s a pretty dramatic change.”

Or, maybe he just doesn’t want anything to change, period. Karinch says that’s when you probe a little.

“You can say to him, ‘Are you willing to give this curly look a try for a week or two? Then if you still feel the same way, let’s talk about it,'” Karinch suggests.

After that, the decision is yours, but at least give him a chance.

Draw the line, when it’s time

Then again, you may not think he deserves a chance.

“If he complains all the time about your curly hair, if he makes you feel bad about yourself and says it’s ugly, then dump him,” Mandel says.

On the other hand, maybe he’s indifferent. If you have an otherwise rock-solid relationship, you have to determine how much the need for curly praise really matters to you.

“If he’s mature about it and says, ‘It’s okay, but (curly hair”> is not my preference,’ and doesn’t hold it against you, then he’s a keeper,” Mandel says, “as long as the rest of the relationship is good.”

Get out of his head and into yours

Before dissecting his every word, remember to focus on your needs first, Karinch says. After all, you can’t change other people, the only life you have control over is your own.

“What do you want? What are you looking for?” she asks. “Don’t just try to change yourself for the guy. It’s important that you know what your expectations are of him. Don’t try to twist and turn your life around to be whatever he wants.”

In the end, we’re all looking for a connection. Be true to yourself, and you’ll be well on your way to finding it.

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Curlyheads Speak Out on Boys Behaving Badly

Love is always one of the hot topics on the NaturallyCurly.com message boards. And when a recent post asked for advice on how to handle a curl-bashing boyfriend, curlyheads responded in droves. Here, a snapshot of the support and tactics they shared, which ranged from reassuring to radical!

“If I ever date a guy who says he doesn’t like curly hair, I’ll tell him I don’t like body hair (which I really don’t”> and tell him he needs to wax EVERYTHING.” — Amandacurls

“If you’re looking for a boyfriend who likes your hair curly, don’t ever straighten it. He’ll see that’s who you are and if he doesn’t like it, he’ll leave. If that’s why he’s leaving you, then good riddance!” — coolaqua93

“In the past, I have experienced ‘men’ telling me to straighten my hair, so I told them I would — when they shaved all their curly body hair.” — CurlyHairedFarmer

“Tell your boyfriend you don’t like his curls in some places and you can borrow a flat iron to straighten it.” — tulipan

“I don’t need any guy’s approval, including my boyfriend’s, on my hair. He is entitled to his own opinion, and just because he thinks my hair is lame doesn’t mean I should go cry a river and dump him.” — N.D. Aube

“Make sure you get a man that loves you for you because you’re going to be saying hello first thing in the morning for a good many years.” — lexygirl

“It isn’t worth changing yourself to make someone else happy. Be true to yourself (and your hair!”> and the men will follow.” — LoloDSM

Leigh Chestnut from Dartmouth, Mass., sent me a five-alarm letter of distress. She wrote how she innocently uttered the N-word, and promptly caught hell for doing so.

“Please help me,” Leigh wrote, using ample exclamation marks to emphasize her high level of angst.

“I am white; I have straight, boring hair. I used the expression ‘nappy’ last week to describe my daughter’s boyfriend’s hair (which it is, but it’s blond”>. They both exploded at me, telling me how racist I was to even use that term. I think they are wrong, and I was certainly not coming from that angle when I said it. So please tell me, am I ignorant?”

Sister Leigh, you are correct that you did nothing wrong. It sounds like you were innocently describing the texture of your daughter’s boyfriend’s hair, but you may not have known just how controversial your word choice was.

The word nappy is not an expletive, and being nappy is not the bane of a person’s existence, contrary to misinformed beliefs.

Nappy also is not a racist term. There are those who have used the term with racist intentions because they are aware of the negative stigma that has been ascribed to the texture of hair that grows primarily from the heads of people of African descent.

Shock jock Don Imus was fully aware of the stigma when he called the women of the Rutgers’ basketball team “nappy-headed ho’s.” His intent was to describe them as loose women with bad hair. It was obviously not meant to be a compliment.

Perhaps you were not trying to pay your daughter’s boyfriend a compliment when you described his hair texture as nappy. But it doesn’t sound like you were trying to offend him, either. You were simply being descriptive.

Nappy describes a rich, thick, kinky, willful state of natural hair.

Nothing wrong with that.

So relax, Leigh, and tell your daughter and her boyfriend to do the same. Whether the texture is nappy and blond or nappy and black, it’s all good.

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Contact Linda or read her bio.

In what is likely to inspire a groundswell of buzz among curlyheads, Bumble and Bumble officially relaunched its Curl Conscious line of haircare products this month, spreading the word through an interactive curl-focused website as well as the virtual pages of MySpace and Facebook.

The revamped collection and marketing campaign has been building momentum for some time. NaturallyCurly.com first reported on Bumble and Bumble’s effort to reach out to curlies five years ago, when the haircare company introduced the first generation of its Curl Conscious line. A shift in culture was well underway.

“Instead of clients coming in and asking for blowouts, we wanted them to know that curly hair is sexy and fun and beautiful. It’s something to be embraced, to be relished,” Dan Langer, director of marketing for Bumble and Bumble, said during the original launch in 2004. “It’s not something we’re stopping.”

Indeed, this fall’s relaunch of the line comes only after the company conducted extensive research with curlies across the country — as well as on NaturallyCurly.com. Based on feedback, it reformulated and expanded the product line for a wider array of curl types. The collection now includes a smoothing shampoo and conditioner, nourishing masque, holding foam, two curl cremes (one for fine curls and waves and and another for coarse spirals and kinks”>, and a reactivating mist. Bumble and Bumble also touts its patent-pending ingredient tansglu-taminase as a “curl-keeping phenom” that resists humidity and encourages curls.

In addition to revamping the actual product, the company created a whole new look with packaging that features colorful paisley swirls.The unique teardrop-shaped imprints are designed to serve as an analogy for the unique qualities of curly hair. Bumble and bumble says it recognizes that no two curls are alike, and it vows to spread the curly mane message to its network of salons with new curl-cutting and styling classes.

From the salons, the company has made its move to the stage as well, where it became the exclusive haircare partner for the revival of the musical “Hair” in New York’s Central Park. The stage production opened in late July and continues through Sept. 14 (after being extended twice”>. Bumble and Bumble is utilizing the new Curl Conscious products to style the curly locks of actors in “Hair,” who don free-flowing hippie hairstyles with a new millennium twist.

“The musical’s celebration of individuality and nonconformity reinforces Bumble’s own philosophy towards the craft of hairdressing,” Peter Lichtenthal, Bumble and Bumble’s president, said in a statement.

Last night I offered myself a calming, somewhat exotic, aromatic retreat. It was probably one of hundreds of times that I’ve indulged in henna to make mehendi — beautiful tattoos — or to dye my hair. Starting from the time when I was a teenager, henna has been a most pleasurable aspect of my health and beauty regimen.

I know you’ve heard of henna, but do you know it’s history, how it grows and from whence it came? I hope to provide some background on its long history as a medicinal herb for the mind, body and spirit.

A History of Henna

Henna is an herbaceous shrub called Lawsonia inermis in botanical Latin. It was named after the British explorer John Lawson in the early 1700s. The use of the herb for health and beauty is far older than the British discovery, dating back to 3,500 BC, and has had a presence in human civilization for 7,000 years.

Henna is a Persian word for a plant with many names. In Arabic it is called Khanna. In India, henna is called by many names depending on the dialect: menhadi, mehendi, mehedi, mendi, hina. And in Sanskrit, it is mendika. Ancient hieroglyphs in tombs in the Valley of the Nile refers to it by the Egyptian name pouquer. Pouquer refers to dye created from the plant, used to color the fingernails of mummies. A lovely perfume created from henna plant is referred to as camphire, in the K’oran. Since the Hindus of India call it mehendi — a name synonymous with temporary henna tattoos — I will refer to henna alternately by this name when speaking of hair care.

In early India, henna was applied by dipping palms and soles into a thick paste of crushed fresh leaves, creating a solid red stain without a pattern. Middle Eastern henna was done by mixing dried powdered leaves into a paste and applying it with a stick. Henna is still in use in parts of Asia, especially India, the Middle East and the Continental African countries. It also is catching on in Australia, North American and Europe.

A Henna Timeline

Country/culture	Period
Catal Huyuk	7,000 BC
Turkey	5,000 BC
Cycladic Islands	3,000 BC
Israel/Palestine, Jordan, Lebanon	2100 BC
Crete, Cypress, Greece, Libya, Nubia	1,700 BC
Iraq, Iran	1,300 BC
Tunisia, Kuwait, Morocco, Algeria, Mali, Sudan, Yemen	1,200 BC
Jewish culture	1,000 BC
Pakistan and India	400 BC
Muslim culture	550 BC
Christian (Coptic, Armenian>	1st Century AD
Asia (Sri Lanka, Turkistan, Uzbekistan, China, Tibet, Burma, Thailand”>	700-800 AD
Ethiopia, Nigeria	800 AD
Indonesia	1200 AD
South Africa	1800 AD

Uses of Henna: Cool Medicine for Health and Beauty

Henna can be used to condition and color the hair. For curly tops, Henna’s benefits include:

• Amps up volume
• Building body
• Decreasing chemical and greasy build-ups
• Emphasizing shine
• Developing subtlety in hue and tone
• Yielding creative colors (avoids “out of the box” tired-look”>
• Excellent conditioner for all hair types
• Wound healer
• Good for sensitive and irritated scalp
• Reliable natural colorant for kinky, curly, wavy and thick hair which may be resistant to other types
• Inexpensive
• Widely available

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Hair Products Containing Henna

• Batia & Aleeza Bio-Natural Shampoo
• Circle of Friends Dragon Dance Conditioner
• Curlisto Hi-Lights Shampoo
• Curlisto Straight Time Glaze
• Fairy Tales Detangling Conditioner
• Jane Carter Condition & Sculpt

The antioxidant benefits of tea for the body have been well-publicized. But tea is also good for the hair and skin, which is why it’s showing up in a growing number of beauty products.

I’ve done some digging and will take you behind the tea scene to understand what it is, what it does, and the differences between the various varieties.

Tea is a generic word for an herbal infusion we herbalists also call a tisane. Herbal infusions are usually created from tender parts of herbs such as buds, flowers, shoots and leaves rather than tougher parts such as the root or bark.

Green, Black or White Tea: It’s a Maturity Thing (Camellia sinensis”>

Tea is one of the oldest natural remedies known to man. Legend has it that a fresh leaf from Camellia sinensis fell into Chinese Emperor’s pot that was boiling water outside. He was intrigued by the smell, tasted it, enjoyed it and decided to make it a regular habit. The type of tea the emperor made by mistake is called “green tea” since it was made from fresh green leaves of Camellia sinensis. There are more than three thousand varieties of tea created from Camellia sinensis.

In terms of camellia teas, green tea is one of the strongest healing medicines, followed by oolong and black. Green tea contains antioxidants believed to be two hundred times stronger than vitamin E. It protects the cells from carcinogens that can cause cancer. It also lowers cholesterol, metabolizes fat, reduces blood pressure, regulates blood sugar and has an antibacterial action. Green tea, and all tea for that matter, helps teeth and gums stay healthy by blocking plaque-forming bacteria. Green tea also contains fluoride.

Black teas are fermented, creating numerous strong, dark-colored teas. In China, the semi-fermented teas are called oolong and black is fully fermented. Black assam, Ceylon and Darjeeling refer to regions in Southeast Asia and India.

Black Tea can be used on hair in a number of ways. As we grow older, our hair gradually turns gray, losing its natural color. For some, this process begins as early as the 20s. Many women are not ready for such a big change and some want to hold onto their natural hair color. Like most dark fibers, brunette or black hair is more resistant to dyes than light fibers or blond hair. Tea rinses work with existing color, providing subtle highlights, increased shine and youthful vibrancy without permanent changes. (See below for a Black Tisane Hair Rinse recipe”>.

All white teas contain higher catechins, gallic acid, theobromine and caffeine. They are the least fermented of Camellia sinensis teas and the highest in antioxidants.

This antioxidant effect protects and strengthens both hair and skin. Polyphenols are very active in both green and white tea. These phenols capture and neutralize free radicals thought to pervert cells, causing cancer. In fact these two grades of tea are 20 times more potent than vitamin E in neutralizing free radicals, actually encouraging cancer cells to commit suicide and leaving your body in remission.

White tea protects against UVA rays and sun damage when applied topically as a shampoo or conditioner. As a finishing product or leave-in conditioner, it encourages hair colorants to stay fresher-looking longer while adding vibrancy to natural hair. Because kinky, curly and wavy hair can have a tendency to look dull, white tea can be used to produce shine.

When seeking teas high in antioxidants to strengthen and condition the hair, look for hair products containing Rooibos. This tea also makes a fine rinse and will lend a definite red tone to brunette or dark blond hair. It is the perfect liquid to add to mehendi for temporary tattoos, henna paste, ready-made shampoo or conditioners to bring out hidden red highlights.

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Hair Products Containing Tea

Long Lovely Locks Green Hair Gloss (Read and add your own reviews“>

Long Lovely Locks Green Tea Hair Cleanse (See reviews“>

Curl Junkie Healthy Condition Daily Conditioner (See reviews“>

Elucence Volume Clarifying Shampoo (See reviews“>

Innersense Inner Peace Whipped Creme Texturizer

(See reviews“>

Innersense Inner Reflection Finishing Polish (See reviews“>

Oyin Honeywash (See reviews“>

Fresh Hair Cream

Philip B Shin Shine

ApHOGEE Keratin & Green Tea Restructurizer

Aubrey Organics Green Tea Reconstructor

Scruples White Tea Sulfate-free Restorative Shampoo

Scruples White Tea Restorative Conditioner

Scruples White Tea Magical Serum

Scruples White Tea Miracle Foam Conditioner

Scruples White Tea Satin Paste

Scruples White Tea Velvet Molding Gloss

Scruples White Tea Embrace Luxury Hold Hair Spray

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Black Tisane Hair Rinse

This is an age-old formula for blending gray hair into darkly colored hair that I first learned of from the Gullah people. The Gullah, in case you are unfamiliar, reside in the Carolina and Georgia sea coast island areas and have kept much of their West African tribal culture intact through their folklore, medicine, food, arts and Creole language. This tisane works on the same principle of tea or coffee we don’t like for our teeth—staining; facilitated by the high concentration of tannic acids.

1½ cups distilled water

3 tablespoons black tea (loose leaf assam, Ceylon or oolong is recommended or use three Tetley tea bags”>

Yield: approximately 12 ounces

Shelf life: 2 weeks

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English Teatime

To make a good cup of tea, you need patience. I like the old English method:

Add cold water to kettle. Boil water; turn off heat. Pour some into clean tea cup and let it sit 3-5 minutes. Pour this water out into plugged kitchen sink for washing up dishes later. Add tea bags or infuser with herbs inside (usually about a single teaspoon to a cup of water”> to cups. Pour very hot water from teakettle into cup until it is ¾ full. Steep at least 5 minutes longer for a stronger brew. Remove tea bag or infuser or strain. Drink as is or add what you prefer. Now that you’re warm from the inside let’s proceed.

Boil water; add tea leaves. Cover; reduce heat to medium. Simmer 20 minutes. Reduce heat to low; simmer 20 minutes. Turn off heat; steep 1 hour. Strain. Apply using catch method. Catch method means pour the tea from a pitcher over your hair with a catch bowl ready underneath the bowl to catch excess liquid. You pour the tea back and forth slowly over your hair from bowl to pitcher and pitcher to bowl so that your hair is thoroughly saturated with the tea and capable of soaking in its subtle natural dyes. Do this 12-14 times. This black tea dye is a reliable color enhancer for brunettes providing good cover for graying hair of about 25% total gray.

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Stephanie Rose Bird is an artist and writer. She is the author of Sticks, Stones, Roots & Bones: Hoodoo, Mojo & Conjuring with Herbs and Four Seasons of Mojo: An Herbal Guide to Natural Living.

She also hosts a Yahoo study and practice group based on her writing here.

Spring is finally here! With everything growing in fresh and new, it seems like the perfect time for rejuvenation. Maybe that’s why they call it spring cleaning! I know when the sun starts to come out and I can finally put away that winter coat, it gets me in the mood to clean and organize. So in the spirit of all things neat and tidy, I thought I’d provide ten important spring hair care tips for all you lovely curlies.

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Spring Hair Care Tips

There’s nothing like the thrill of finding the perfect dress. You see it in the window, race in the store and hurriedly step into the dressing room. Now, the moment of truth. Yes! It fits every curve like it was designed just for you. It’s a keeper, or so you think. When it’s time to slip on that sensational dress for a soiree, you find yourself second-guessing your choice. Your curls are styled, the dress is dramatic, but the overall look doesn’t seem to work– and you’re not sure why.

Fashion-centric stylists say you may be unwittingly clashing your hairstyle with your fashion style. What to do? Take back the dress? Not on your life! Experts say the solution is to follow these four simple rules to finding the perfect fashion fit.

Rule #1: Consider the occasion

Are you headed to an elegant dinner or the ballet? Or, will you be hitting the dance floor at a wedding or birthday bash? Nathaniel Hawkins, lead stylist for hit show “Project Runway,” says where you go –- and what you do when you get there –- should be considered when you style your textured tresses.

For elegant events, the celebrity stylist suggests creating a more controlled hairstyle by using functional hair accessories. “I love a decorative hair stick, something precious and special. You can easily create a French twist and just slip it in,” says Hawkins, also a spokesperson for TRESemmé. “You can even play up a ponytail by curling the length of it and running your fingers through it.”

He also suggests taking that same ponytail and maneuvering it into an enchanting knot. “This is easily done by wrapping the hair around itself to create a loop, pulling the ends through, and then folding the curly ends into a bun,” Hawkins says. “Simply pin it into place and you’ve created a sophisticated and elegant ‘do.”

For more carefree occasions, Hawkins says, go ahead and rock your curls! You can even add a fun twist to the style by using a curling iron to create a larger curl texture than you normally have. “You take a section that encompasses a couple of your natural curls, that forces them together. The curling iron will smooth the hair shaft,” Hawkins says. “Don’t be afraid to use a curling iron on curly hair. It’s so much easier than picking up a round brush and trying to blow dry your hair straight.”

Rule #2: Color counts

Vibrant colors, shimmery fabric, and even a simple, crisp white blouse will shower your face in light, reflecting beautifully on your curls, according to Hawkins. But if you’re big on black, beware of big hair –- especially if you’re a brunette.

“That’s a lot of darkness surrounding you,” Hawkins warns. “Curly hair naturally absorbs light because there’s air space between the curls. When you wear a cashmere turtleneck or maybe a dark shirt with a collar, those items absorb light and sometimes you can get lost. You can still wear them but bring light to your face by pulling the hair back in some manner and use a topical shine spray.” (Hawkins recommends Aveda’s Pure-fume Brilliance, Wella’s Flashlight, Rusk’s Aerosol Shine Spray and Tresemme’s No Frizz shine spray.”>

If that new, outrageous outfit of yours has a lot of texture or multiple colors, a full head of curls can sometimes turn your attention-grabbing fashion into a faux paus. Experts remind curlies the key is to draw attention, without creating a distraction.

“For example, curly hair with stripes or a flowery print doesn’t work because you look too busy. If you have curly hair, you’ll want to wear a solid color,” says curl expert Christo, a Fashion Week stylist and owner of New York’s Christo Fifth Avenue Salon. “But if you have a beautiful flowery shirt and you love it, maybe you blow dry your hair straight or pull it back.”

“The most important thing is how your face looks,” Hawkins adds. “People look at your eyes — that’s what makes a woman look radiant.”

Rule #3: Size matters

Aside from color considerations, experts say it’s crucial to balance the shape of your stylish wardrobe with your do.

So, if you’ve fallen in love with a new dress that has tons of texture, you may want to tone down your hair’s naturally curly texture, but still keep some movement.

“If you have a huge gown and you’re hair is in a little bun, you may look like a pinhead,” warns Rodney Cutler, Fashion Week stylist and owner of New York’s Cutler Salon.

“You also don’t want a straight-line outfit with big hair, it won’t match and will look ridiculous. You may want to pull it back in a chignon,” adds Christo. “You can add volume to your hair as you go bigger with your clothes.”

Bottom line? You don’t have to create an elaborate or tricky style. Just remember: size matters. “It’s really about the silhouette or shape of your hair and finding the right proportion in relationship to your clothes,” Cutler says.

Rule #4: Easy does it

Finally, one of the most common mistakes women make, experts say, is to overdo it.

“I think people try to hard and their hair ends up looking like a bad prom do,” Cutler says. “Evening styles now are much simpler than they used to be. It’s about how you want to be perceived.”

And there’s no need to match everything (hair, dress, earrings, oh my!”>, according to Christo.

“You have to blend, but you don’t necessarily have to match,” Christo explains. “Stay away from trying to match the colors; you don’t want to look like one piece. It can become a disaster. You want to be an individual who has a sense of fashion that works together.”

Bored with the same old curly ‘do? Maybe you haven’t cut or colored your curls in months, even years. If so, you’re likely champing at the bit for a change. After all, we’re told change is good.

Figuring out exactly how much to manipulate your mane requires expert advice. Here, curl-centric stylists share their strategies for finding that perfect curly cut and color that sets you apart, but still suits your lifestyle.

Conservative & Controlled

For conservative curlies who are cautious when it comes to change, experts say you can still try something new without stepping out too far.

“People who are conservative need more control, so when it comes to a cut you’ll want to avoid bangs because that can make it difficult to frame the face,” says Jonathan Torch of Toronto’s Curly Hair Institute.

“Go with more of a bob for hassle-free hair. You need a lot of curls grouped together to make curls look more reformed.”

Diane Da Costa, curl expert and author of “Textured Tresses,” agrees that bobs and blunt cuts are best suited for a conservative lifestyle.

“Stay away from too much layering, angling or elevation,” DaCosta says. “You want to be able to keep your hair shoulder length or a bit longer so you can pull it back for more conservative looks.”

Rosie Da Silva, master stylist at New York’s Devachan Salon, suggests “rounded layers, heavy fringe with a veil of length.” Again, think shoulder length, sexy bob.

For conservatives with tighter coils and kinks, Torch suggests keeping your length (or letting it grow”> because you’ll need the weight to pull down your ringlets.

“If it’s too short, it’s hard to keep the shrinkage under control.”

At the same time, experts say you can control your curly style by controlling the excess bulk. For example, framing the face with a few strategic snips will help reveal the richness of your ringlets, according to Torch.

When it comes to color, Da Silva recommends conservatives start with thin highlights using Devachan’s Pintura method, a hair-painting system that is considered more strategic than conventional highlighting, offering a “very clean, natural effect.”

Meanwhile, DaCosta suggests dabbling in demi-permanent color.

“It lifts your color two to three shades, but it’s not too much of a drastic change,” she says. “It’s a great alternative to permanent color, and you can highlight in different tones with a demi-permanent color.”

“Go for the deepest, richest tones,” adds Torch, “because those will make your style look like it’s more under control.”

Creative & Funky

For the curly whose lifestyle is anything goes, you can get away with going drastic, says Da Costa.

“You can have straight bangs, and then have your curly hair very long or mid-length,” says DaCosta, who also urges curlies to experiment with products to create a more spiky or sculptured look.

“With all creative cuts, it’s about elevation and disconnection, so you may start at the ear and have an elongated angle at the front.”

If you have wavy hair or “lazy curls,” you can get away with an even funkier style, according to Torch.

“You can try an inverted bob, which is shorter from the back to the front,” Torch says.

With tighter coils and kinks, creative types can turn up the volume with big hair, but Torch cautions against stepping too far over the top. You’re looking for fashionable flair, not a faux pas!

“You want to make sure the volume suits your face shape, so the face doesn’t look round or flat,” Torch says.

When it comes to creative color, Torch reminds curlies that brightness creates dimension.

“If you want volume on top, use colors that are brighter,” Torch says. “You want to break the solidness of curls with dimension by adding colors that reflect light. Deeper colors on the bottom make the hair look richer and thicker.”

Brunettes can add dimension with golden or reddish browns. For golden blondes, Torch suggests auburn-gold with a red undertone for depth, a real gold for richness, and a yellow gold for brightness, using all three in harmony. For redheads, plum-red can create depth, while bright red adds richness, and perhaps an auburn-red for brightness.

DaCosta also reminds curlies to consider skin tone when experimenting with all-over color or highlights. For creative types, she suggests skipping traditional highlights and instead consider “sectional streaking.”

“For example, you might color your bangs or panels of side-swept bangs going around half of your head,” DaCosta says. “It’s more of a paneled look and may not be evenly distributed. If you have brown hair, you might do a red panel streak. If you’re blonde, you could add a platinum streak.”

Devachan’s Da Silva recommends multi-dimensional Pintura highlights with “three different colors following the curls in the hair.” Adding dark and light streaks at the tips of each curl provides “sparkle and the illusions of length,” she says.

Athletic & Functional

If staying fit is less of a chore and simply a way of life, you likely spend most of the week in the gym or outside for your daily run. If you think your active lifestyle limits your options, Da Costa says not so fast.

“Two options are a short haircut or a longer hairstyle, so you can pull your curls back,” she says. “At the same time, it’s not about restricting the haircut, it’s about what will you do extra to maintain your look. You can have any cut that compliments the shape of your face, remembering that accessories will help you. If you have a more angular or blunt cut, you have to use accessories like headbands to keep hair out of the way.”

Torch says a ponytail will also do the trick: “The question is how do you look hot in a ponytail? Wear a looser ponytail instead of flat against your head. Scrunch your curls and then very loosely pull them back. You can tuck some curls behind the ear, and still be on trend.”

If you have lazy curls, Torch cautions curlies not to cut your tresses too short or you’ll be cutting out your curls and creating those dreaded wings. “Hair has to have some length before the curl starts to form,” Torch says.

Short curly hair also requires more maintenance than you might think. “It has to be cut more often, styled every time and you can’t rely on throwing it into a ponytail,” Torch explains.

When it comes to color, athletic curlies have to be especially strategic in the placement of highlights.

“When you pull hair back off the scalp, you’re exposing a lot of the hairline and it’s a measuring stick on when your color was done last,” Torch says.

Curly or straight, there’s nothing worse then seeing bright streaks at the hairline!

“Just make sure to avoid brighter colors at the hair line,” Torch says. “The more different colors you use when you highlight the hair, the more natural it looks.”

Curlies with an active lifestyle are also likely to wash their hair more. If that’s you, remember to moisturize your mane consistently — especially if you love to experiment with color.

“Use color-enhancing shampoos and conditioners and have your hair glossed monthly to protect the hair shaft and add extra moisture and conditioning,” Da Costa says. “You can use a semi-permanent clear gloss or find a tone that matches your color to bring back the depth that is stripped by shampoo or chlorine.”

Leave-in conditioners and deep conditioning treatments are also a must, she says.

“If you work out every day and you color your hair, you just have to remember that it will be high maintenance,” DaCosta says. “You have to set your mind, and your pocketbook, to know that this will not be a light venture.”

Titi Branch

Learn more about and ask questions of Branch and our other columnists. Learn more about purchasing Miss Jessie’s products in CurlMart.

Q: Is it true that if you wear a relaxer for a long time, you can actually change your type of hair or curl pattern? My friend wore a relaxer for five years and cut her hair off two years ago. She says her hair isn’t the same, and is not as tight and curly as it used to be. Can relaxers damage your hair that much?

Titi: Relaxers only alter the texture of the hair they are applied to. So if you cut off all your relaxed hair and start off all natural, the previous relaxer should have no effect on your new, natural hair. That’s not to say that your natural texture has not changed from what it was a five years ago. But that may not be due to relaxing. We all experience changes with our hair as we age.

Q: What hair options are available to 4B’s? I have a friend who wants some suggestions. I told her 2-strand twists, coil outs, and wash ‘n go are good options. Anything else?

Titi: The main styling options are 2-strand twists, coilouts, wash ‘n go and shingling. However, to add more variety, alter the way you execute each styling method. For a 2-strand twist, changing the size of the twist will give you a dramatically different look. Larger twists result in a fatter curl. Smaller twists result in a tighter curl. Or try a 2-strand twist cornrow and untwist. That will give you a totally different look. For coilouts, try unraveling the coil in more sections to create more volume. This will change the look of a coilout. How you apply product for a wash ‘n go changes things too. Applying more product with a more deliberate hand will result in a controlled curl. Raking product through more randomly will create a more whimsical look.

Q:: I want to know how I get my natural hair back? I’ve been perming my hair every three to four months. When it’s wet, my hair will curl up. But how do I keep it? By the way, I have alopecia areata. How do I get my hair healthy and curly?

Titi: In order to go “natural,” you have to stop relaxing your hair. As your natural texture grows in, you may have to start cutting off the relaxed portion of your hair if the two textures are dramatically different.
If your relaxed hair curls up, the way to keep it curled is to use a product that captures the curl. Miss Jessie’s Curly Pudding or Miss Jessie’s Curly Meringue are excellent curly styling creams that capture the texture of the curl when it is wet. As for alopecia areata, my suggestion would be to consult a medical professional. Healthy curly hair is the result of many factors, including heredity, regular haircuts, deep conditioning treatments, minimal chemical processing and just overall caring for your curls. Finding the right curl expert for haircuts and color is key. So is using the right product for your particular type of curl. It’s a journey and a process. Thankfully, NaturallyCurly.com is a great resource when you need answers!

:Q I have long, loose medium-fine curls that look great the first day. The second day, I have a lot of bulkiness. What can I do to reduce bulk, and what is a good second-day refresher?

Titi: The initial day of styling is critical. Applying the product to deliberately remove bulk is key. Shingling is a great styling technique for this. By applying product in small, isolated sections and flattening the section, it discourages expansion. If you are going to “shingle” your curls, it is important to sit under a dryer so it completely dries before you touch it. At night, sleeping with a satin bonnet helps to keep the curls in place.

Q: I am so frustrated with my inability to bring out the curl in my hair, elongate my curl, prevent frizz, style my hair and control it. I am so tempted to texturize it with a no-lye texturizer. Should I?

Titi: Realize that if you texturize it, you will have to continue texturizing in order to keep the textures consistent. Make sure you have this process done by a professional. Texturizing is an art. If not done properly, you could end up with a head full of different textures — more than what you started with.

Q: Although detangling my super-tight 4a/b spirals has gotten much easier, detangling the hair on my crown has not. In fact, it’s been quite painful these past few weeks. I’m not sure what to do. I’ve tried oil rinses, ACV rinses and detangling under running water. Sometimes I just don’t feel like bothering at all. But then the hair there gets really tangled and breaks. There’s a lot of breakage there, and my crown is significantly shorter than the rest of my hair. What should I do to get rid of this tangling and what should I do about my sore scalp?

Titi: That area in the crown may be tighter than the rest of your hair. The key to detangling is this: You need a rich emollient detangler that makes the hair nice and slippery preventing knots from forming and you need a flat paddle brush with flexible rubber teeth. You will be amazed. Only detangle your hair when it’s wet. I recommend a heaping tablespoon of Miss Jessie’s Rapid Recovery Treatment. Apply it to the section you are detangling. Use your flat paddle brush, section by section. You should see an immediate improvement.

Q: My little sister has 4b hair, and my mom does not know what to do with it, despite the fact that the 4b hair is from my mom. (That’s a whole other story!”> My sister is eight and should now be able to do her hair herself. What can she do to help her with it?

Titi: Her 4b hair requires moisture. At age 8, Miss Jessie’s Baby Buttercreme is a perfect solution. Apply it to the edges of the hair for a neat frame. Apply it all over to soften and control unruly curls. Twist outs are a great styling option for kids because they are a way you can wear your hair curly and control it too. At night, retwist large sections to keep the hair from tangling. Untwist it in the morning for a controlled, defined curl.

Kinky, curly or wavy hair can be a blessing and a curse. It is a blessing because it is so versatile and interesting — an attention grabber. But when the curl or wave pattern is left undefined or interacts with humidity or rain, it can turn into an unruly mass. So, we empty our wallets in hot pursuit of the perfect hair care product, especially a finishing project, that will tame our tresses.

Many have found that hair products containing flaxseed oil can give our curls definition and firm, yet touchable, hold.

Flax is an herb that has both external and internal benefits.

When consumed, flaxseed provides a number of health benefits. Flaxseed is something we’ve been hearing a lot about because of the omega 3 enzymes it contains. According to the American Heart Association, omega 3 fatty acids help the heart of healthy individuals with high risk factors for coronary heart disorders[1]. The FDA gives omega-3’s qualified support saying, “supportive but not conclusive research shows that consumption of EPA and DHA omega-3 fatty acids may reduce the risk of coronary heart disease. Some parents of autistic children use the oil successfully to alleviate some of the symptoms of that disorder; and it has also been used with people who have bipolar disorder and schizophrenia with success because it effects neurotransmitters in the brain.

While the oil help prevent and treat all types of ills, the seed can be processed into a curl-friendly gel. The fact that it is as useful taken internally as externally is remarkable, something you don’t run into often. Let’s take a look at this herb to see where it comes from; what it is and why its uses are so plentiful in hair care and elsewhere for our health.

History

I have seen a few health writers refer to flax seed oil as a newer ingredient, but flax actually is one of the oldest cultivated plants on earth. Linneaus, a Swedish botanist, placed flax in the Linaceae family. He named it partially after himself and partly for its practicality as “most useful plant,” which is Linum usitatissimum in the botanical Latin.

Folklore and Mythology

In folk medicine, we see a crossover into herbalist recommendations for flaxseed. For example, it is used in folk medicine to treat colds and constipation. In addition, in folklore flaxseeds are used as well as for digestive, urinary tract problems, gallstones and lung diseases.

Flax has a rich history in Europe. In Teutonic myth, flax flowers were thought to act as protective devices, shielding its users from Queen Hulda’s sorcery. Flaxseeds are also used in luck and fertility rites.

Herbal Uses

As I have mentioned, flaxseed has a venerable history as a healer in Europe. One of the earliest healers, Dioscorides of Greece, championed flaxseed to ease inflammation. He also developed a poultice made from flaxseed, honey and figs in the first century A.D., suggesting it was a good preventative and treatment of sunburn.

The 17th century English herbalist Nicholas Culpeper suggested boiling the seed in water and applying it as a poultice to soothe pain and ease symptoms of colds, tumors and swelling. Blended with fig, it was used by Culpeper’s followers to treat boils and other skin disorders.

Today, herbalists still hold fast to suggestions by herbalists from days of old recommending flaxseed for treating constipation, gastritis, pharyngitis, colds, and hardening of the arteries and rheumatoid arthritis. Exterior wounds, burns, boils, abscesses and ulcers are also treated with flaxseed.

Creative Uses

Flax has been used for food, fabric (linen”> in housing and in the arts. The seed has been called linseed in the past and today it is known more popularly as flaxseed. It is easy to remember each by its use: flaxseed oil is the health grade for consumption and health and beauty, whereas linseed oil is more commercial grade and not for internal use. It is used more in the arts and crafts.

Oil painters use linseed oil. The oil is used to add flexibility and sheen to oil paints. As its name indicates, the floor covering “linoleum” is created from solidified linseed oil. Linseed oil is used in furniture production, staining and preservation. This oil also is used in the printmaking process. By-products of linseed production are used in animal feed.

Phytochemicals within Flaxseed

Flaxseeds are beady, small and dark brown — the shape of long grain rice but only half the size. The oil is yellowish to a deep yellow (as it ages”>, with only the faintest nutty scent. Phytochemicals within the seed vary. Scientists in Canada, is leading grower, studied the seeds scientifically and found that on average the oil is about 43 percent protein.

The oil is over half a-linolenic acid (ALA”>, an essential fatty acid. Its fiber contains high levels of lignan. The gums and mucilage present in the flaxseed may have beneficial effects. Folk healers may not have been terribly far off in the projections and uses of flax. It turns out that the interesting combination of chemical qualities of flaxseed makes it rich with curative properties in the future. including use in the treatment of high cholesterol, lupus and rheumatoid arthritis, malaria and even cancer.

The lignans in particular within flaxseed have an anti-tumor, anti-viral and enzyme inhibiting function when incorporated in the daily diet. Many of us are consuming flaxseed oil by the tablespoon, but breads and cereals with flaxseeds or flax flour — along with a generally high-fiber diet — are very promising in the reduction of cancerous tumors. High cholesterol, a problem that can lead to coronary heart disease, shows a positive reduction through the use of flaxseed. Flaxseed is rich in mucilage. It is the same mucilage that we gain from the seeds to use as hair gel that also is useful in reducing LDL cholesterol.

Using Flaxseed in your Diet

To benefit from flaxseed’s fiber, trace vitamins, minerals, amino acids, omega-3 and lignin, take two tablespoons, which contains 70 calories. Buy organic flaxseed or cold pressed flaxseed oil.

When you buy it as whole seed, grind in a mortar and pestle or with a coffee-bean grinder until fine. Store ground and whole seeds, as well as the oil, in the fridge. To use:

Sprinkle 2 tablespoons on salads, main dishes or add to smoothies, fresh juices, shakes or hot cereal. Take flaxseed oil orally by the teaspoon (1-2 per day”> or add it to salad dressing.

Brewing flaxseed tea makes a very effective, dependable remedy for irregularity.

Flaxseed Hair Care

You can make a reliable hair styling gel quite easily from flaxseeds because they release so much mucilage, a type of natural gel, when cooked. The mucilage is gelatinous and tan colored when first created. But don’t let that put you off using it. It is wonderful when applied to the hair. Your hair will not get dry or feel hard nor will you have flakiness or be susceptible to dandruff after using it.

Summary

Flax is one of those plants that is familiar in a variety of ways. Today flax is all the more available to us as a ready-to-use oil or as a very practical natural ingredient for our hair.

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Commercial Flax Hair-Care ProductsFor those desiring the ease of a ready-made product, the following products contain flaxseed:

• Jessicurl Gelebration Spray
• Jessicurl Rockin’ Ringlets
• John Masters Organics Citrus & Neroli Detangler
• Oyin Frank Juice
• Oyin Greg Juice
• Oyin Juices & Berries
• Oyin Shine & Define Styling Serum
• Mia Simone’s Boutique Aloe Vera Herbal Leave-in Treatment
• Aveda Hang Straight
• Aveda Confixor
• Aveda Flax Seed Aloe Strong Hold Gel
• Aura Flax Seed Aloe Sculpting Gel
• Bain de Terre Infinite Hold Flax Seed Firm Finishing Spray

Or Make Your Own!

Flaxseed Styling Gel

This natural gel doesn’t get flaky once or dry out hair nor does it encourage dandruff. It is easy to make and use, adding volume and leaving a subtle sheen. Beautifully scented essential oils add a citrus/floral scent to this blend. If you have allergies or sensitivity to scents you can skip the essential oils. This recipe can be created for a fraction of the price of commercial hair gel.

1-teaspoon whole, fresh flaxseeds

¾ cup water ¼ cup grain alcohol or vodka

8 drops each: geranium, lemongrass and neroli essential oils

Add the flaxseed to the water in pot; bring to a boil. Stir. Reduce heat to medium and simmer 10 more minutes then remove from heat. Let cool about 30 minutes. Strain through a sieve or coffee filter over a non-reactive bowl. Whisk vodka or grain alcohol and essential oils into the bowl. Cover and thicken overnight, or about eight hours.

Apply natural gel to freshly washed hair divided into small sections. It will help define curls and hold hair into smooth updos and chignons, or you can use it as you would a commercial setting lotion.

Resources

1″> A couple of good online essential oil suppliers are: 100 Pure Essential Oils and Liberty Natural (which requires a $50 minimum”>. Liberty Natural Products also sells bottles, jars, absolutes, flaxseed and many other natural ingredients so it is easy to accrue their minimum.

2″> Wholesale Supplies Plus sells flaxseed, sells bottles, jars, funnels and labels.

First impressions count. Many closet curlies are married to a flat iron because they think men prefer the smooth, straight look over curls or kinks. And when you can maneuver your mane in either direction, you have the option of changing your visual impression when meeting someone new.

But should you? And, would it really make a difference?

To find out, I embarked on an unscientific social experiment. Newly single in New York City, I joined a popular online dating service and posted two profiles. They were identical in every way—except one.

The first profile included a picture of my hair flat-ironed straight. For the other, my hair was naturally curly.

After one month showcasing the straight profile and the next month curly, more than twice as many men responded to the straight look. But this experiment is far from over.

There’s a twist. On my dates, the plan was to find out what they really think when I show up as the opposite of what they expect. If they reach out to my straight profile, I would meet them as a curly, and vice versa.

Would my hairstyle really affect their attraction? It was an adventure that was full of surprises. My one rule: I vowed to only date

men I was truly interested in. This is the real deal, real dates, real men.

Bachelor #1: Financial-Services Executive

This is my first date. I’m nervous on the entire cab ride to the restaurant, wondering if my date will even recognize me. He expects stick-straight locks. I’m curly. I quickly phone a friend for reinforcement. I’m connected to voicemail, hang up, then glance at the cabbie. He seems nice enough. I bend his ear.

“So, which do you prefer, a woman with curly or straight hair?” I ask, hoping for curl confirmation.

“It depends,” he says.

We’re almost at my destination. I press him. He begrudgingly admits to leaning on the straight side. Geez, why did I push?! I’m more nervous now, but there’s no time to think. I’m here.

I see my date at the bar. My approach is hesitant. I say hello. He looks at me, his eyes widening. Now, he’s nervous, at a loss for words. I think I know why, so I mumble some lame excuse explaining why my hair is curly, not straight like my picture. I’m not even sure why I felt compelled to explain. It’s just hair, right?

“Does it matter that my hair is curly?” I ask.

“Well, no, I guess… I’m just surprised,” he says, voice trailing off to a whisper.

Uncomfortable, I quickly change the subject and turn the attention to him and the hobbies listed in his profile. We order drinks and he finally seems to relax, as he shares stories of his mountain-climbing adventures.

We laugh, sipping sangria. But we never quite recover from that fumbled first impression.

Bachelor #2: Italian Business Owner

It’s a late-afternoon lunch date near the shore, so I decide to show up straight (just like he expects”> knowing the beach air always performs tricks on my tresses. I purposefully forget my clips, headbands and emergency-fix spritz so I’ll be forced to accept any twists and turns the day may bring.

We sit at an outside table overlooking the water. A damp breeze is blowing. After the first bite of risotto and sip of Sauvignon Blanc, it happens. I can’t see it, but suddenly I feel my stick-straight locks expand, to the right and left, up and down, like they’re waving hello. My date banters back: “Your hair, it’s transforming right before my eyes!”

I stop eating, my fingers now entangled in a tress tug-of-war. And as I’m about to pipe in with an explanation, I look up and realize he’s already back to enjoying his meal, unfazed.

Later, he curiously asks me why I bother to flatten my curls. “You have great hair,” he says. “Do you know how many people would love to have curly hair?”

“Yeah, I do,” I say, with a smile.

The day continues, we decide to have dinner. No time to freshen up. A friend of his joins us. As we enter the restaurant, I excuse myself in search of a mirror to manage my mane. Still frizzy! I give up. I’m on my way back and tap the back of a towering man, who’s partially blocking the archway entrance to the dining room. He turns around, flashing a gorgeous smile, his sapphire eyes sparkling in the dimly lit space.

More Details The straight profile was viewed 1,606 times for the month, while the curly one received 1,063 views during the month it was posted. The flat-ironed look drew 181 e-mails, compared with 60 for the curly profile. On the flirtatious side, the stick-straight profile received 120 winks, while curly locks caught winks from 60 men. In about 10% of the dates, hair made a difference, while confidence was the driving factor in the remainder of the connections.

I tell myself this is not happening. Me — and my big hair — are standing face-to-face with Alec Baldwin. Yes, the actor. And yes, this IS happening. Flushed and flustered in frizz, I mumble hello with my hands over my head and race back to the table, my cheeks are flushed like vine-ripe tomatoes.

I desperately seek a pin, elastic, anything to tie back my haphazard do. My date’s friend agrees my hair would look better out of the way. But my date encourages me to set it free. “It looks fine,” he says, nonchalantly.

I take his lead, forget about my hair, forget about Alec and confidently enjoy yet another great meal.

Bachelor #3: Cuban Marketing Executive

On my next date, I vow to worry less and relax more, no matter where my locks lay.

I agree to afternoon coffee. It’s a drizzly day. Stepping into Starbucks, smiles and curls abound, he spots me and waves. He has only seen a straight photo, but there’s not even a hint of surprise. We chat. I’m perplexed. Did he even notice that I look different, very different? He says he did, but wasn’t surprised. Hair — curly or straight — didn’t seem to matter.

He’s silly. We laugh. The focus turns to fitness and nutrition, which he acknowledges is very important to me. (He read my brief profile.”> Then, I learn Cocoa Puffs (breakfast”> and Ring Dings (late night snack”> are part of his daily rituals.

Bachelor #4: Music Executive

A week later, I schedule early evening drinks at a rooftop bar. As I step up the stairs, I again remember to approach the date as a confident curly.

No matter what his reaction, I will smile. And I do.

We chat and order fancy, fruity faux martinis. Still no obvious reaction to my textured tresses. I bring it up. Curly or straight, it doesn’t matter. He says it was my smile he noticed.

Bachelor #5: Sales Executive

The next morning, I head out for a horseback ride with a new date. Once again, he expects straight, but I arrive curly. We exchange smiles. Not sure if his is a happy-to-finally-meet-you smile or I’m-in-shock-and-don’t-know-what-to-say smile. In my mind, I choose the former. After a breezy, hour-long trail ride, we have brunch at a tiny French bistro. Still not a peep about my hair, until I speak about it. His response? Curls are “exotic looking” and, like most of my dates, he seems unfazed.

“Whether it’s curly or straight, it doesn’t matter — as long as there’s enough hair to hold onto!” he says. I laugh, not quite knowing how to respond to that one.

Bachelor #6: Italian Model

It’s month two, time to replace the straight photos with curly ones. Within days, frustration sets in. Not as many e-mails, even fewer winks. Then, finally, one response catches my eye and interest. In his email, he mentions that he likes my curly photo. We exchange numbers. He speaks in a charming foreign accent. Turns out he’s a model. We make plans to meet for dinner.

I’m waiting outside the restaurant with stick-straight locks. He’s late. I’m fidgeting. Within minutes, he arrives. He’s speechless and staring. “Something wrong?” I ask. “No,” he says, softly. He looks away and then faces me again, head slowly turning side to side, like a mime silently asking if I’m the same woman in the profile.

We both order the shrimp special. He asks for the cherry-inspired sauce on the side. I bring up my curls, or lack thereof. Does he prefer curlies? Apparently so. “I think curly hair is more natural and sexy,” he says. I tell him I straightened my hair, but it’s naturally curly.

He then proceeds to grab my hand and, unfortunately, makes an attempt at touch football when the plates are cleared.

Since he thinks curls are sexy, maybe he assumed curlies (even disguised by a flat iron”> are more flirtatious than our naturally straight counterparts. Maybe he would have been aggressive regardless of a woman’s hairstyle, or maybe he was simply looking for love at breakneck speed. I do not know.

What I do know is that when it comes to voting for curly or straight, if a man says it depends, perhaps it really does. It depends on confidence. Stepping into a date with a smile can make all the difference.

It could also depend on culture. My family is from Argentina, and the men from similar cultural backgrounds — like the Cuban and Italian men I met — seemed happy and familiar with curlies like me, even in my most awkward, frizz-filled moments.

And while none of my dates developed into long-lasting connections, the experiment was enlightening. Whether you play it straight or crank up the curls, first impressions do count. But I’ve learned it’s also what you bring to the surface that really shines through.

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Special thanks to Rodney Cutler of the Cutler Salon, who styled Teri’s hair for the photos.

Stuck on stupid.

That pretty much sums up my sentiments about the former Glamour magazine staffer who made the offensive remarks about natural black hair.

She was seriously stuck on stupid.

Since my editors expect my column to be longer than a three-word diatribe, I’ll fill the rest of this space by filling you in. In June, the Glamour staffer, Ashley Baker, made inappropriate remarks about the afro hairstyle and dreadlocks during a gathering of female lawyers in New York. Her comments sparked a controversy that continued for months and led to her resignation from the magazine.

Baker was invited to speak at a luncheon held by the Women’s Working Group at the New York law firm of Cleary Gottlieb Steen & Hamilton. Several of the lawyers present were African American. She gave a slide presentation on the do’s and don’ts of corporate dress that included a slide featuring a black female executive wearing an afro.

Baker described the afro as a “Glamour don’t.” She also reportedly made disparaging remarks about dreadlocks. She called them “dreadful.”

According to stories published in Diversity Inc. and The American Lawyer, Baker was quoted as saying that it “was shocking that some people still think it appropriate to wear those hairstyles at the office. No offense . . . but those political hairstyles really have to go.”

When Glamour management heard about Baker’s remarks, she was reprimanded, and the editor-in-chief posted a letter of apology on the magazine’s website and noted that the staffer’s appearance at the luncheon was unauthorized and her comments did not reflect the official policy of the company.

The managing partner of the law firm issued a memo to employees calling the staffer’s remarks “racially insensitive, inappropriate and wrong.”

“That woman is in serious need of a “napitude adjustment chat,” said my friend Jackie, a life coach and editor who lives in Washington, D.C., and whose hair has been “dread-ful” for 19 years and counting.

According to Jackie, a “naptitude adjustment chat” is similar to having an “attitude adjustment chat” with a child who has misbehaved. Jackie’s desire to have a napped-up version of an attitude chat with the former staffer would keep her from making ignorant remarks about natural black hair and African-inspired hairstyles in the future.

Since Baker was reprimanded and had to resign from her job following her faux pas at the luncheon, I may consider rethinking my opinion of her.

By now her awareness has surely been raised and she may no longer be as stuck on stupid as she was back in June.

She has learned at least one thing.

She now knows that the afro hairstyles is not a “Glamour don’t.” The real don’t was her ignorance and insensitivity.