Search Results: Cozy Friedman
“If you can’t stand the heat, stay out of the kitchen.”
Lately Democratic Senator Hillary Clinton has been using the phrase made famous by Harry Truman as her way of saying that she can handle the pressure of being president.
She invoked the quote in Iowa when she was taking heat from her male rivals just before the January caucuses. She also stated the phrase to chide her remaining opponent, Senator Barack Obama, for complaining about the grilling he received from moderators at the presidential debate in Philadelphia.
At that time, she followed Truman’s quote with her own tag line.
“And, just speaking for myself,” she said, “I am very comfortable in the kitchen.”
As an Adult Survivor of the Hot Comb, the kitchen was not a place of comfort for me.
Adult survivors of the hot comb are women born with nappy hair who lived to tell about the trauma of how we had our hair groomed with steel tooth combs that were placed in fire. These “heated” hair grooming sessions took place in the kitchen.
When Hillary spoke of her comfort in the kitchen during her campaign remarks, she was clearly making reference to the room that most people know only as the place where food is cooked. But Adult Survivors of the Hot Comb know all too well that the kitchen is also the place where our hair was cooked.
I still shudder when I think about those Saturday nights when my sisters and I sat in our sweltering kitchen, unwillingly waiting until it was our turn to get our rebellious hair pressed, or o-pressed, to be more precise. The steel-toothed comb was the weapon of nap destruction.
The way it was heated depended on what kind of stove we had. When we had a gas stove the comb was placed over a low flame. When my father purchased an electric stove, the comb was heated on the spiral burner.
When the comb got smoking hot, my mother removed it, waved it in the air a few times and blew on it, as if that was going make it cool enough to bear.
It wasn’t. The comb was still hot and my hair still sizzled.
My mother cooked my nappy hair until all traces of what it was supposed to be was gone — at least temporarily.
Water, sweat, or any other form of precipitation caused my hair to revert right back to its natural state, which is why the dreaded kitchen hair straightening sessions were a regular, tortuous thing.
This ritual was played out in countless homes where nappy-headed females lived. In these households, the smell of burning hair was as common as the smell of fried chicken.
As strange as it may sound, the kitchen hair-straightening sessions were not meant to be abusive. For most of us, they were carried out as pure acts of love.
Our mothers wanted our hair to be pretty, and they were conditioned to believe that nappy textured hair didn’t fit that description.
So we had to sit in the kitchen and take the heat.
This is no criticism of Hillary’s choice of words and her rhetorical claim that the kitchen is her comfort zone.
It is just my humble observation that kitchen comfort is definitely in the mind, and on the head, of the beholder.
I think curly hair is pretty fantastic. Curls are springy and soft. They come in all sorts of shapes and sizes, long and short. Everyone’s curls are a little different, and many of us find that our hair never falls in the same way twice.
It’s not surprising that people love to touch curly hair.
In my last column, I mentioned an experience most curly girls share — having their hair “boinged.” People are fascinated with the springy nature of our hair. A few of my friends have been known pull gently on one of my curls, watching it lengthen as it straightens. They delight in letting it go and watching it bounce back to (more or less”> its original twist. The sound effects, of course, complete the experience.
“Boinging” isn’t the only time people play with my hair. Friends often try, with the best intentions, to pluck away “stray strands” that they notice. Those hairs, unfortunately for my scalp, are usually still attached to my head.
“Sorry,” they’ll say, as they meet resistance, “I thought it was a stray!”
My hair is known for doing its own thing; renegade strands are the norm. If I feel the need to rein in my hair, I’ll do it myself.
I’ll never forget the guy who sat behind me in math sophomore year. He used to rip up sheets of paper into tiny balls, which he would flick into my ponytail. The bits of paper usually went unnoticed until I stood up, sending them cascading around my shoulders onto the floor. This inevitably ended in the girls bathroom, where I would take my hair down and shake out any stray paper that remained.
Despite my anecdotes, most of the time when people close to me play with my hair, I don’t mind a bit. I will occasionally remind people I am less familiar with that just because I have a lot of hair doesn’t mean it’s public property. My sister, Lilly, has mastered the art of politely and firmly asking people to respect her personal space when they play with her hair. Since she keeps it short, it’s more vulnerable to frizz and she can’t throw it up in a bun when it begins to look unkempt. She finds it frustrating to carefully wash and condition it, only to have a friendly stranger run their fingers through her curls.
I’m enthusiastic about my curly hair, and I appreciate it when others appreciate it. However I’ve learned to draw boundaries, whether I’m telling a classmate that paper is for taking notes or a friend that hair on my shoulders can stay there.
Stay Curly, Julia
One of the most beautiful colors of the rainbow, purple describes just about any combination of the primary colors blue and red.
Purple eyeshadow can be stunning
For centuries, this color was associated with royalty for the simple reason that, until the 1800s, purple was a difficult color to create for clothing. In antiquity, “purpura” dye was derived from a variety of snail called the spiny murex, found in the waters of the Mediterranean. It supposedly took 12,000 mollusks to obtain a few scant grams of the pure color. No wonder it is said that the Emperor Aurelian refused to let his wife buy a purpura-dyed robe that was said to cost its weight in gold.
By the Middle Ages in Europe, purple dye was created from insects of the genus Kermes, various lichens and the madder plant. Along with shades of blue, it continued to be difficult to create the color, so it was still worn by the nobility. In fact, sumptuary laws, designed to regulate social hierarchies, dictated not only the colors that could be worn by certain classes, they also listed the types of clothing, the fabrics used, where they were made and details of the trims used.
Purple became available to everyone in the middle of the Victorian age with the development of synthetic dyes. Aniline was derived from the indigo plant and “mauvine” became the most fashionable color for clothing for many years.
In terms of makeup, purple eye shadow suits every eye color – most especially green and hazel. Technically, it is the color opposite one on a color wheel that makes a shade more “active.” However, most of us would look like a lab rat if we wore red eye shadow, so in the case of green eyes, we go toward the complementary color purple.
Green-eyed beauties can successfully choose any shade of purple from palest lilac to deepest violet to enhance their eye color. These will also work for brown eyes. Those of you with blue eyes will find the more red shades of purple most complementary.
However, when it comes to purple lipsticks and blushes, these are more dependent on skin color. Those of you with darker skin tones will find that purple shades can look gorgeous on you, but those of you with lighter skin tones find it more difficult to carry off. Someone with my coloring can’t do lavender lips, but someone with blue eyes, dark hair and porcelain skin would have more success with it.
Here are some of the loveliest purples available this spring:
NARS Night Fairy
Eye liners: Sue Devitt Eye Intensifier in Ava, Urban Decay 24/7 Pencil in Lust, MAC Technakohl in Purple Dash, Laura Mercier Liquid Eye Liner in Violette, and Revlon Powder Liner in Plum Wicked.
Blushes: Bare Escentuals Heaven, Tarte Cheek Stain in Cloud 9, DKNY Delicious Night Lip & Cheek Stain (comes in one sheer cherry plum shade”>, Givenchy Prisme Again! Blush Quartet in Charming Violet, and Make Up For Ever Lavender 9.
Lips: L’Oreal Star Secrets in Milla Purple, MAC Cyber, Dior Addict Front-Row Fig, Cargo Plant Love in Muir Woods, Sephora Ultra Shine Lip Gloss in Silver Purple, Bourjois Effet 3D Lip Gloss in Cassis Tropical, and Lancôme Juicy Tubes in Sweet Raisin.
For the young or young at heart who love sparkle, try Revlon Sugar Sugar Lip Topping in Pixie Plum.
And for those of you who really love all things purple – a visit to The Purple Store is probably a must!
“Do you by any chance write a column for NaturallyCurly.com?”
That’s the question that made my day last week. I was sitting outside a lecture hall, chatting with someone I had just met, when she told me she recognized me from my picture and bio on this site. I was tickled at the coincidence of meeting another person familiar with NaturallyCurly.com. She introduced herself as Regine, and we launched into a girly discussion about growing up with hair that we didn’t always know how to deal with. Our brief conversation left me with the same happy feeling that comes from surfing around this site. The realization that I’m not the only one that thinks curly hair is pretty awesome!
You see, there are a lot of people bopping around with naturally curly hair, but not everyone realizes that it’s something to be proud of.
A few of my friends also rock their curls, and I love their unique perspectives. My friend Allison made me laugh when she told me in a mock serious tone that a curly hairstyle has a limited lifespan. After you spend 15 minutes washing it, it takes three hours to air dry. When it dries, you have “a precious three-hour window” when it looks good, provided that you’re careful not to touch it. After that, it inevitably begins to become unruly and soon enough you find yourself repeating the process! While I’m sure this isn’t universally true, I know for the last few months the Central New York winter has required me to wear a hat when I leave the house, which only seems to accelerate the phenomenon. Now, when we get ready for special occasions, we joke about the best time to wash our hair so we get the most out of our “three-hour window.”
Allison, Regine and I have one thing in common with millions of other teenagers. We all use Facebook. If you spend as much time on the social networking site as I do, I’m sure you’ve already discovered some of the groups dedicated to curly hair. My favorite is called “Curly Girls – It’s not just hair, it’s a way of life!” Some of the topics on the message boards wouldn’t make much sense to our straight-haired peers. I laughed out loud when I read the beginning of the thread “Have you been boinged?” I’ve definitely been “boinged.” I guess people can’t resist treating well-shaped curls like soft, naturally occurring springs. The group has grown to almost 8,000 members — that’s a lot of teens with curly pride!
No matter how you celebrate your curls, befriend a fellow curly girl. From classroom conversations to serious style advice, “it’s not just hair, it’s a way of life!”
Stay Curly,
Julia
Q: I really need help with my son’s hair. I am not sure where he falls in the curl spectrum — maybe 3c? I want to know how to take care of his curls so they aren’t lifeless and frizzy and seemingly devoid of any moisture? Any help is greatly appreciated.
Cozy: Lifeless and frizzy hair is a big problem for curly haired people. The hair looks this way when the cuticle of the hair gets ruffled. The trick to make your hair look shiny and healthy is to keep the cuticle smooth, thus preventing that lifeless look. Keeping your hair hydrated with a leave-in conditioner will definitely help. Try So Cozy Fruity Delight Detangler & Leave-in Conditioner. You can spray it in wet or dry hair and the scrunch. This is great for an on-the-go quick fix. For your regular routine, I recommend So Cozy Kooky Kiwi Styling Cream after bathing. It’s a nice light cream that will smooth the cuticle, which will make hair shine while getting rid of frizz.
Q: My curly daughter is 5 and has chin-length 3b hair when dry, but it’s to the middle of her back when it’s wet. We rinse her hair daily and run conditioner through it before school. Once or twice a week, I spend more time with it and work harder on detangling it, but it hurts her. Sometimes I use my fingers and sometimes an extra-wide tooth comb, and always with lots of conditioner. We have tried various products, and it’s always the same so I don’t think that’s it. (The hurting is the same, not the quality of the curl and the look.”> She doesn’t want to sleep with anything on her head, so keeping it covered in satin while she sleeps won’t work. I don’t know what to do differently, but she screams the whole time I am doing her hair. I hold her hair near her scalp while I am working so that it won’t pull, and I don’t know if it actually hurts enough for her to be screaming — truthfully, she can be dramatic. But maybe her head is just sensitive.
Cozy: You have the right idea with the products and wide-tooth comb, but you need to try a different technique when combing her hair out. Section her hair into 1-inch segments. Then, instead of holding the hair near the scalp, take the first section and hold it one inch from the bottom of the hair strand with one hand and comb the small section. Work your way up the strand toward the scalp, eventually moving all the way around the head. That should prevent tugging on her sensitive scalp. I recommend doing this in the tub with So Cozy Lucky Lime Pre-Detangling Treatment, which was created for this very purpose. Now that you know how to properly remove the tangles, you need to work on preventing the tangles. Have your daughter sleep with a very loose braid in her hair. That will prevent tangles while she sleeps.
Q: I am a mom of 4-year-old Paige who has long very, fine, frizzy curly/wavy hair. I’m not sure if she is a 2b or 3a because the underneath of her hair is curly, while the top is wavy. It always looks messy, and I really need some advice about what products I can use to enhance the curl and combat frizzies. Should I have it cut in a different style to enhance the curl? I don’t have curly hair so I haven’t got a clue.
Cozy: It’s not uncommon for a child to have more than one type of hair texture. It’s hard to know if that is your daughter’s situation or if she needs a different cut. It may be that she needs some layers cut into her hair to remove some of the weight, which may be preventing the hair on top from curling. As for the frizz, a light styling cream is recommended for very fine hair. Anything too heavy will weigh down her hair and prevent the natural curl. Try So Cozy Kooky Kiwi Styling Cream. Not only will it enhance her natural curl, but it will add shine, prevent frizz and help control hair.
Q: My youngest daughter has the same hair as I do (3a“>. I have never had a good haircut, and have never been to the same salon twice. Now my daughter’s hair needs a cut. I have trimmed her hair at home, but it needs to be shaped because it is really weighed down. Being that I have never had a good cut, I don’t know what to do with her. I don’t want to take her to a salon because they always assure me up front that they know what they are doing, give me the stylist that charges the most as reassurance, and then I walk out with a cut that looks TERRIBLE. I would feel more comfortable doing it myself if I only knew what kind of cutting style I should be using. How do you cut curls?
Cozy: The best way to get a haircut that you are happy with is to have great communication with the stylist and realistic expectations. I remember as a child always feeling let down after my haircuts because I wanted it to look different, yet never knew how to describe what I wanted. Additionally, I wanted the “Dorothy Hamill” cut, yet I had curly hair which could never ever look like that. My expectations were completely unrealistic, and since I wasn’t able to properly describe what I wanted, the stylist had no idea why I was unhappy. To find a good stylist, why not ask people whose hair you admire where they get their hair cut? Check out NaturallyCurly.com’s CurlSalons section for recommendations. Also, I recommend that you look through magazines and tear out photos of what you are looking for. As the saying goes, “a picture tells a thousand words”. This will help you and the stylist figure out what you are looking for. Don’t give up on a hair stylist! There are so many talented people out there!
Q: My daughter has 3c hair, and we just came back from a 9-day vacation. She was swimming every day with a swim cap on (hair in a ponytail/braid”>, and we washed/conditioned it only once during the vacation. Her hair is now in a terrible tangle. It’s matted where the braid was and I can not seem to get the snarls out. HELP!!!!
Cozy: Oh my! This isn’t going to be easy. I’m sure you now understand the importance of combing out her hair daily to prevent that awful matted dilemma you now have. You must attack this in the tub with a very generous amount of So Cozy Lucky Lime Pre-Detangling Treatment. Hold her hair one inch from the bottom of the hair strand with one hand and comb the small section, working your way up the strand toward the scalp, moving up inch by inch. Eventually try to divide and section the matted braid. Continue to add more Pre-Detangling treatment as needed. That should prevent tugging on her scalp. Now that you know how to properly remove the tangles, you need to work on preventing the tangles. Have your daughter sleep with a very loose braid in her hair to prevent tangles while she sleeps. For daytime, keep her in ponytails or braids when she is active to prevent tangles. Comb her hair with So Cozy Fruity Delight Detangler & Leave-in Conditioner in between baths for daily maintenance.
Learn more about and ask questions of Cozy and our other columnists.
For more information about buying So Cozy products, visit CurlMart.
Two years ago I wrote a column asking my readers to fantasize about a government run by a Nappy Administration. If nappiness were the only prerequisite, I asked, who would they want to see holding the nation’s top political posts?
The readers primarily nominated people who were actors, artists and performers who wore locks and wild and wooly Afros.
But one reader’s fantasy pick was a real life politician who wears his natural hair in a style that is close cropped and conservative. Her nominee was U.S. Senator Barack Obama.
“I’m not really sure how nappy his hair is,” said Linda Ball of Murphy, Texas, whose comments appeared in my November 2006 column. “But I’m just finishing up his amazing autobiography and he certainly has a great nappy mind. If he runs for real, he’ll get my vote!”
As it turns out, Obama is running for real. And in the real world of presidential politics, it would be best if his hair didn’t make waves.
Let’s face it. If Obama were flagrantly flaunting the Bob Marley look, he never would have made it this far in his quest to be president.
But there was a time in Obama’s past when he had the “audacity” to wear his hair in a style that expressed his African roots. While he was a community organizer in Chicago, Obama sported a short Afro. He continued wearing the style when he went to Harvard to study law. He didn’t bother changing it when he later decided to run for president of the prestigious Harvard Law Review.
Barack Obama wore a short afro at Harvard.
It apparently wasn’t an issue. His peers who apparently recognized it was what in his head and not on it that impressed them enough to elect him president, making him the first African American to hold the post in the 111-year history of the law review.
I ran across a New York Times article written about Obama and his political activities at Harvard. Accompanying the article was a photo of him seated with his classmates looking quite becoming in his very low ‘fro.
Let me just say for the record that if Obama realizes his dream of becoming president and decides to let his hair go back home, he’d have my full support. There was a time in Obama’s past when he had the “audacity” to wear his hair in a style that expressed his African roots.
E-mail Linda your questions and comments.
Several years ago, I read an interview with a makeup artist who worked on a commercial shoot for Maybelline Full N’ Soft mascara. Sarah Michelle Gellar was the model.
It supposedly took an hour in order to get Gellar’s eyelashes to look perfect for the shoot. With her lying down, the makeup artist applied a coat of product, then carefully combed her lashes with a tiny metal comb and separated any that were clumping together with a pin. This was repeated with several coats -– for some reason, I remember it was three, though some websites report it was as many as five!
If you remember the commercial at all (and it can be found on YouTube if you don’t”>, Gellar’s lashes do look amazing. But how many of us have that much time to devote to getting perfect lashes?
It certainly doesn’t seem that L’Oréal and their spokesperson Eva Longoria Parker are willing to go to the lengths that Maybelline does. The television commercials for L’Oréal Voluminous mascara featuring Longoria Parker briefly flash a disclaimer stating that “lash inserts” were used on her for “consistency.” Lash inserts are better known as false eyelashes.
Now Eva’s secret can be yours too. False eyelashes today come in a huge variety of styles, from traditional strips to tiny clumps called “flare,” to singles, to those designed to be used on the lower eyelid. And that’s leaving out the wilder styles made of feathers and mylar or decorated with tiny rhinestones and pearls.
False eyelashes
I no longer buy my false eyelashes from MAC or at the drugstore. The website www.eeyelash.com is the site of a manufacturer that supplies many of the makeup companies with their lashes. Almost all their natural styles come in brown and black and they have short, medium and long in dozens of different configurations.
Wearing false eyelashes is a practice-makes-perfect makeup technique –- especially for full-strip lashes. The individual ones and clumps are so much simpler to apply.
Use “permanent” lash glue for individual and flare lashes. While not really permanent, it can last up to a week, depending on your makeup removal technique. I generally find that some lashes will last three or four days.
To apply, take a lash with a pair of tweezers and dip it into the adhesive. Then start at the outside corner of your eye and nestle the single or flare in between your natural lashes. That’s it. Wait about 10 minutes for the glue to dry completely before putting on any more eye makeup. Most lash makers tell you to apply strip lashes to clean, dry eye lids. However, it can take a LOT of practice to perfect the art of getting them close to your natural lashes. Even now, I still apply a line of black eye liner along the lash line so that I won’t have a gap showing between natural and fake.
Don’t use eyelash glue; duo surgical glue has better hold. Squeeze out a drop of glue and use the edge of a toothpick or pin to apply a thin line of glue along the edge of the lash strip. Bend the lashes to fit the shape of your lash line and wait about 30 seconds until the glue gets tacky. Start at the middle and then push down as close to the base of your natural lashes as possible, going first to the outside corner and then the inside corner.
I find it helps to use the handle of a thin lining brush instead of my fingers for going to the outside, rolling the brush down along the lash line. If visuals help more, you can find detailed instructions from many posters at Ehow.com or any number of videos at YouTube. After drying for 10 minutes, apply a coat of mascara to blend them with your natural lashes.
To remove at the end of the day, gently tug them off from the outside corner and reshape them on to the plastic holder. You can get two or three uses if you remove old glue and clean carefully with a Q-tip dipped in alcohol.
False eyelashes – one more way to have consistently beautiful eyes!
Contact Roquinne or read her bio.
Majoring in Curls |
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| Email your questions to Aimee. |
That time of year is upon us, curly college students! For those of you getting up into the sacred realms of the upperclassmen, I’m sure that you’re starting to hear lovely phrases like “internships,” “resumes,” and “job interviews.” I start to get a little jittery just thinking about them. I’m assuming there is a small percentage of students out there who have jobs already lined up after graduation and know exactly what they’re going to do. Hooray for them! Honestly, they must be just sitting back and thanking the gods that they can breathe for two minutes. But for the rest of us (myself included”> plans might not be so definite at the moment.
Job and internship hunting requires a lot of putting yourself out there and letting prospective employers see what a fabulous person you are! A well-written resumes and cover letter is incredibly crucial when getting people’s attention, but when you finally do get that interview, you need to look the part. No one is going to take you seriously if you saunter into an office with jeans and flip-flops. I know that’s a bit of exaggeration, but appearance does matter. At the most basic level, make sure your clothes are ironed and clean! (Have you seen that commercial where the shirt stain is talking louder than its owner? Too true.”> Wear colors that suit you well, that tend to get you compliments. One thing I’ve heard a hundred times is to wear closed-toed shoes! Sandals just aren’t right, despite how well they go with your outfit and regardless of how hot it is outside. Keep the make-up simple as well. You don’t want to blind employers with a new sparkly eyeshadow or shock them with lime green liner.
Sadly, there are people out there who form opinions about curly hair. That it reflects a sort of unmanageability in the curly girl, or that curlies tend to be a little wilder and not as dependable. And I’m not kidding or exaggerating. Some employers just subconsciously equate straight hair with control and responsibility. Now that is discrimination right there!
God forbid that I would recommend straightening your hair just to get a job. To quote from the movie Clueless, “As if!” Your hair is a part of your personality. It is important to prove that you’re the best person for the job, whether you have straight, curly, or no hair! In effect, hair does count, but only to the extent that it’s well-styled and cut. Keep your hair out of your face so you can communicate well and not distract others. Maybe a headband or a few pins strategically placed here and there would do the trick. Try to keep the frizz to a minimum with some smoothing serum or pomade, whatever you find works best.
There is something to be said for the type of job or internship you’re applying for. A law firm or office, for example, will require a look that’s more dressy and classic than a position at a record company, for example. Some jobs lend themselves to being a little more creative and funky with appearances. Use your best judgment in these cases and don’t do something crazy like dye your hair purple the night before the big day! Very cool, but maybe a little too daring.
I’m not saying these are rules to live by when it comes to interviews. Make sure you feel comfortable enough to let your lovely personality shine through. That’s what they want to see!
Occasionally I write stories that provide updates about people in the past who did something hair raising enough regarding nappiness and things related, to make the news.
I call my feature “Whatever Nappened To . . .?
Ten years ago Ruth Sherman, a white schoolteacher in Brooklyn, made national news for the stir she caused when she read an award-winning children’s book called “Nappy Hair” to her class of predominately African American and Latino third grade students. She was essentially run out of school for doing so.
“Nappy Hair,” written by black author Carolivia Herron, was a story about the kinky hair texture of a little black girl. Herron’s reason for writing the book was to celebrate one of the unique characteristics of many African Americans. Sherman’s reason for reading the book to the students was to celebrate diversity and teach them about racial tolerance.
A parent of one of the students saw photocopies of a few pages from the book in her child’s homework and became offended over the images and the content. The parent, who had not read the entire book, circulated the pages to other parents who also got upset.
It turned out that most of the adults who were outraged also had not read the book and did not have children in Sherman’s class. That did not stop them from accusing Sherman of reading from a book that reinforced racial stereotypes. During a meeting held by school officials to discuss the matter, several of the adults threatened Sherman. She ultimately asked for a transfer and left the school.
Ruth McCloskey
So whatever happened to Sherman?
She is no longer the single, 27-year-old third grade teacher in Brooklyn. Sherman is now Ruth McCloskey who lives in Suffolk County with her husband and two young boys and teaches first grade at a predominately white elementary school on Long Island.
“I’ll always be teaching,” said Ms. McCloskey. “That is just meant to be.”
She said that when she left the school in Brooklyn, she transferred to an elementary school in Jamaica,
Queens where she taught for two years.
“That was just the perfect place for anybody today,” she recalls. “I can’t tell you how many different nationalities there were.”
She eventually had to leave the school when her husband’s job required them to move out of the school district. She says the she loves her current job but misses the multicultural mix.
“It’s so very different,” she says. “I hated to leave. But we moved to Suffolk County which was a two-hour drive away.
McCloskey says that she hasn’t read “Nappy Hair” since the incident in Brooklyn.
She says that she has not read from it because it was written for an older audience of children, and since the incident she has been teaching kindergarten and first grade. McCloskey recalls how the book was a refreshing departure from so many of the other books that she had been reading to her students.
“I wanted to think out of the box and do something different. What attracted me to the book were the pictures and the awesome colors. The little girl was so happy and so excited. I wanted to be that girl. I felt that if I felt that way that about the book, the students were going to love it.”
McCloskey says she still regrets how her intentions were misinterpreted by the parent who read portions of the book out of context.
“Most of the parents in the class who knew me never felt I would do anything racist to hurt their children,” she said.
“To this day it’s just sad.”
Herron, the “Nappy Hair ” author, heard about the controversy and came to McCloskey’s defense at the time.The two of them have done occasional speaking engagements together.
Even though McCloskey hasn’t read the book since the incident, she hasn’t totally abandoned it. Herron has asked her to consider writing a “Nappy Hair” workbook together. It’s a collaboration that McCloskey is excited about pursuing.
“I thought it was the greatest book ever,” she said.
Julia Rizzo
Disney princesses gave me unrealistic expectations about hair.
Now, don’t get me wrong. I love Disney movies. When I was little, I idolized Ariel. I watched “The Little Mermaid” over and over again. And to this day, I can still remember an embarrassingly large portion of the soundtrack.
While the movie taught me about taking risks, following your dreams, and the dangers of sea witches, it also taught me that teenage hair is smooth, straight, and flawless, especially underwater. Ariel’s bangs alone defy half a dozen laws of physics, and somehow I thought that was what my hair was supposed to look like. There were days when my bangs defied physics, but that generally had more to do with the humidity.
Ariel’s fellow royalty didn’t do much to alleviate my misconception; Belle, Sleeping Beauty, Jasmine and Snow White all sported variations of the same perfect coif.
Disney Princesses
Even though the Disney Princesses never grew up, I did. In August of 2001, the month before I started seventh grade, “The Princess Diaries” was released in theaters. This movie deserves a spot front and center on any curly girl’s wall of shame. Anne Hathaway’s character is an unassuming high school student when she is told she is the princess of a small European country, Genovia. Her grandmother, the Queen, swoops in and gives her a makeover that will transform her from outcast to royalty.
The first change toward her new look? Going from curly to straight hair.
The generation that grew up with “Cinderella” and “The Little Mermaid” was rapidly growing out of them, so Disney provided us with a replacement; Mia Thermopolis, Princess of Genovia. At the time, I wore my hair almost exactly like Mia does in the beginning of the movie. When the film came out, some of my classmates saw her remarkable on-screen transformation and assumed I should do the same.
What they didn’t realize was that the character’s transformation didn’t come from the fact that her hair was now straight. As Mia gains confidence, poise and a sense of identity, she becomes more attractive to the viewer. I wish they would have avoided the flat iron, however, as they showed this transformation in her personality.
I’m not a princess, but I know that if I were to find out I was the heir (hair?”> apparent to the throne of a small European country, I would wear my curls with as much enthusiasm as I wore my tiara.
Email your questions to Julia.
Q: I am considering having my 6-year-old daughter’s hair cut super-short. In the past year, we had two rounds of thermal reconditioning done. I also made the mistake of letting a stylist do a “gentle” relaxer on her hair, which in my opinion ruined it. She had long hair past her shoulders, but it looked very unhealthy after the relaxer was used. She’s allowed my hairdresser to cut it in a bob, but it looks pretty silly with the short, super curly curls in the back and the still-straight length at the top. I really like the curls, but know that in order to get those back now, we’ll have to cut her hair super-short (which I think would be absolutely adorable”>. She’s agreed to it, but I’m super-nervous to do it. Can you give me any advice/direction here? I am Caucasion and my daughter is biracial. I’ve never really figured out how to take care of the curl, even after trying everything I could find in the stores. Any help would be appreciated.
Q: My daughter has the blondest curls you’ve ever seen. They are ringlets! I’m always asked if it’s a perm. How do I care for them? I am not sure what products to use. I have noticed that they should only be picked through every few days to reduce frizz. I’d like to find a child’s conditioner that is light. I have only ever used adult products on her , but they are pulling on the ringlets! So I’m not sure what to do about it now to prevent it.
Cozy: You should definitely use hair products that are formulated for children. You are right that adult products are too heavy and will weigh down a child’s hair. Try using So Cozy Sweet Strawberry Conditioner. It’s formulated specifically for children and is infused with 11 herbal extracts, including sweet almond oil and vitamins A and E, which will help with frizz, flyaways and tangles. To help prevent frizz, only pick or comb through her hair when it is wet. If you do it when it is dry, it will separate the curls, ruffle the cuticle and create a frizzy look.
Q: I’m a very straight-haired Mom of twin curlies. Well, they had curls – -in the summer… Especially when our AC went out. I tried a lot of products, including a gel (that worked really well when the girl at the salon used it”>, several conditioners, some leave-in conditioners and numerous other things that haven’t worked at all. What am I doing wrong? They had springy, cute curls during the hot and HUMID summer months. But all winter, they just have truly awful looking hair. Thin, straight, dry — just not cute!
Cozy: You bring up a very interesting point. The hair reacts differently in different seasons and weather. Humidity brings out the curls, which is why you are seeing those curls in the summer. The products that you use in the summer may be great at that time of the year but they will weigh down the hair during the rest of the year, causing the flat look. In the winter you should try using So Cozy Kooky Kiwi Styling Cream to enhance the curls. It is very light so it won’t weigh down their hair. Scrunch in wet hair after bathing and let the hair dry naturally.
Q: My husband is African American and I am white, and we have three kids -– two boys ages 12 and 8 and a little princess who will be three in April. She has had a ton of hair since she was born, and it’s so long now! My hair is super straight so I don’t really know what the best products are to use for her. She’s a 3b (I think”> and we seem to have problems with frizz. She has nice ringlet curls when she gets out of the bath, but 20 minutes later it’s all frizzy. I’ve tried gels and mouse and they help, but not for long. Forget it if she takes a nap. What type of washing/conditioning routine would you recommend? Any favorite products to keep her curls?
Cozy: Curly hair becomes frizzy when the cuticle of the hair becomes unsettled or ruffled. To prevent this from happening, here are a few tips:
- Never brush or comb curly hair when dry. I recommend combing curly hair in the tub while conditioning. This will not only prevent painful detangling, but will help to evenly distribute the conditioner.
- Scrunch in So Cozy Groovy Grape Styling Gel after bathing. This gel is perfect for keeping hair smooth while enhancing the curl.
- Let the hair dry naturally or use a diffuser with your blowdryer. It may take a little longer, but the curls will settle naturally.
- For touch-ups after naps or in between bathing, spray in So Cozy Fruity Delight Detangler & Leave-In Conditioner, and then scrunch into the hair to reactivate the curls and get rid of frizz.
Q: I am struggling with second and third-day hair for my wavy daughter. I find her hair looks messy more than wavy. Products seem to work okay the first day, but her hair gets a little greasy looking by the next day. I’d appreciate any help.
Cozy: Perhaps you aren’t using the right products for your daughter’s wavy hair. It sounds like the products you are using may be too heavy for her hair type. Are you using products formulated specifically for children? If so, perhaps you need something a little lighter, that will enhance her waves without weighing down her hair. I recommend So Cozy Kooky Kiwi Styling Cream, which is a light formulation that will enhance shine, keep hair looking smooth while adding a little natural looking control. You can use this on wet or dry hair, so it is perfect for days two and three!
Pomegranate
Almost overnight, pomegranate is appearing everywhere.
The pomegranate (Punica granatum L.”> , is because it is being touted as a miracle food. Curly tops may have noticed that it now is a key ingredient in beauty products, including shampoos and conditioners. Are you wondering why this gorgeous, deep red, seed-heavy food – once found only in potpourri – now is inundating our pantries and bathroom cabinets? Then read on.
Contrary to popular belief, the pomegranate is not a fruit but the berry of an African and Asian tree called Punica granatum. Its original Latin name, “arbor punica,” means “Carthaginian tree” because Romans first encountered large groves of pomegranate trees growing in North Africa’s famed city of Carthage. Rome waged war with Carthage, and they were named the Punic Wars. Punic is a root word evident in its Latin etymology as well as the description of its chemical constituents. Its other Latin names are malum punicum (Carthaginian apple”> and malum granatum (seedy fruit”>. Pomegranate gained notoriety in ancient Carthage, quickly spreading at the hands of the Romans to the Mediterranean, Middle East and parts of India — all places where they still are enjoyed in local cuisine and folk medicine.
Habit, Growth, Distribution
The pomegranate only has one genus and two species. It is a small tree or shrub growing between 20 and 30 feet high. The pomegranate tree is spiny, with multiple branches, and can live as long as 200 years. Its leaves are about 4 inches long and are and leathery textured. Bold flowers appear on the branch tips, with as many as five to a cluster. The seeds represent more than half of the pomegranate’s body weight.
The trees continue to thrive in tropical Africa and North Africa, the East Indies and Middle East as well as arid regions of Southeast Asia. Pomegranates are commonly planted in Bermuda. The tree was introduced to Latin and North America around 1760. Pomegranate trees prefer a mild, temperate, subtropical climate, yet adapt to regions with cool winters and hot summers. They are grown as far north as Washington D.C.
Berry of Myth and Legend
Pomegranates have such a unique appearance that they have sparked many a myth and legend. Considered an aphrodisiac, the rich red color lends itself to use in love magic.
Although it has recently stormed onto the scene as a super food, it has a long history in health and beauty. It has been used in Africa since at least New Kingdom, Egypt as a medicine and a nourishing food.
North African Medicinal Uses of Pomegranate
In holistic health, it is important not to isolate parts of the plant while disposing of the rest. Many parts of the pomegranate tree are useful, and knowing all of its uses rather than focusing solely on the berry can be helpful in your holistic health regimen.
- Pomegranate tree root bark is anthelmintic (destroys or causes expulsion of parasitic intestinal worms.”>
- The tree bark is also a vermifuge (expels worms”>
- Root and bark can be extracted to release an astringent solution
- Pomegranate wood is a malleable wood good for carving and is used in crafts
- The rind is especially astringent.
- The dried pulverized rind is used to treat ulcers of the digestive tract.
- It is antidiarrheic (controls diarrhea”> and hemostatic (arrests flow of blood or hemmoraging”>. Revered as a dentifrice (used to cleanse teeth, strengthen the gums and fight plague”>.
- Rind and flowers yield important dyes used in textiles
Berry (Fruit”>
- used to treat leucorrhea and for pectoral troubles
- It is an effective preventative for air borne infections because of its cleansing (diuretic and astringent”> actions./li>
- Ripe fruit is used to treat infections of the digestive tract.
- Ink is created from steeped leaves.
Parts of the entire tree are used in tanning and curing leather. The bark contains 10 to 25 percent tannin. Root bark has 28 percent tannin; the leaves 11 percent tannin and fruit rind up to 26 percent tannin. Pomegranate’s leaves, fruit and peel are used for astringent properties and to stop diarrhea. The bark, stem and root contain alkaloids used against tapeworm. Bark leaves and unripe fruit are astringent, halting diarrhea, dysentery, hemorrhages. Leaves, roots, seeds, bark are hypotensive, antispasmodic and anthelmintic. Flower buds are mildly astringent.
Pulverized flower buds are employed for bronchitis. The arils or seed casings are separated from skin. The internal parts — called pith and capillary membrane — are removed and the seed is consumed raw. The taste is widely varied from sweet to tangy to sour The seed shows uterine relaxing activity and estrogenic effect.
Benefits of Various Pomegranate Preparations
This is the best way to consume it because of the high concentration and lack of sugar, which provide greater healthy benefits.
Pomegranate juice is a popular drink in the Middle East, especially with Persian (Iranian”> and Indian cuisine. A 100 ml-serving of the juice provides 16 percent of the daily adult requirement of vitamin C. It is also a good source of pantothenic acid, potassium and antioxidant polyphenols.
A stable and effective way for kitchen-cosmetic makers and large scaled beauty product designers to utilized pomegranate’s benefits is through the oil. Certified organic Pomegranate Oil is usually cold pressed, thus it is unrefined. Oil can be used to make handmade shampoo bar, soap, pomades and more. Antioxidants contained in pomegranate oil are fight aging by stimulating cell regeneration, increasing elasticity and decreasing visible signs of aging, such as wrinkles. The botanical oil nourishes and fortifies the outer epidermal layer of the skin, making it a beloved skin treatment for everyone from maturing people to children or teens prone to skin eruption and irritation. Dry and cracked skin, such as that found at the heels or elbows during winter, can benefit from pomegranate oil. Serious skins disorders, such as eczema and psoriasis, also benefit from pomegranate oil.
Pomegranate and Beauty
Pomegranate oil is preferred for hot oil treatments or pre-shampoo soothing for frizzy, over-processed hair and for general conditioning for kinky, curly and wavy hair. Pomegranate oil will enhance the appearance and feel of hair, help with detangling and will moisturize the hair shaft.
Pomegranate oil is a boon to those with distressed fingernails and cuticles. It can be applied warm as a rub or as a manicure soak. This oil can greatly benefit those who have just removed gel nails because it repairs damage.
Loaded with Vitamins
Vitamin C: 100 ml of the juice provides 16 percent of the daily adult requirement of vitamin C.
Pantothenic acid: Also known as vitamin B5. This vitamin has been highly touted in hair and skin products, and has been used as a supplement for years. It is one of the B complex thought to reduce visible signs and symptoms of stress, including depression or prematurely graying, thinning and dry hair, skin and nails. Vitamin B5 plays an important role in the secretion of cortisone, which supports the adrenal gland. These hormones assist the metabolism, help deter allergies benefit appearance and improve the feel of hair, nails and skin, as well as the performance of muscles and nerves.
Ellagic acid: Ellagic acid once hydrolyzed helps a substance absorb more easily into the hair, skin, nails and other parts of the body. Ellagic acid in pomegranate is responsible for its ability to be absorbed easily, without any greasiness.
Punicalagins: Punicalagins are tannic acids that lend antioxidant power and emollient qualities, benefitting the appearance and feel, condition of the hair, skin and nails. These acids are responsible for reduction of oxidation and stress on hair and skin when using pure pomegranate-rich products.
Beauty Products Containing Pomegranate
Curl Junkie Pomade
Curl Junkie Coffee-Coco Curl Creme
Curl Junkie Guava & Protein Curl CremeFresh Pomegranate Conditioning Hair Rinse
Klorane Pomegranate Hair Repair Balm
Klorane Beautifying Shampoo with Pomegranate Extract Burt’s Bees Pomegranate and Soy Very Volumizing Shampoo and Conditioner
Back to Basics Pomegranate Moisture Shampoo and Conditioner New York Soap Company Pomegranate Shampoo Nature’s Gate
Pomegranate Sunflower Skin Defense Lotion.
About the author: Stephanie Rose Bird is an herbalist and aromatherapist. She is also author of “Four Seasons of Mojo: an Herbal Guide to Natural Living” and soon-to-be released book on the spirituality of Africans and trees.
As Heidi Klum says so often in her popular design show “Project Runway,” “One day you’re in, the next, you’re out.”
While fashion comes and goes, when it comes to the ins and outs of curly hair, a few things will always be “in.” Gleaned from this website and lots of personal experience, here’s my “it list” of three awesome hair-care items, along with what I think they should replace.M
In: Wide-toothed combs
Out: Brushes
I’ve confessed this before, but I’ll admit it again: I used to brush my hair. A lot. In elementary school I had a black plastic brush that I’d drag through from root to tip until my hair was “detangled.” Brushing dry, curly hair is a nightmare, but the real damage is caused when you brush your hair when its wet. Although I use my fingers to detangle my hair in the shower, another option is a wide-toothed comb. The teeth should be more then a quarter-inch apart so you can work out knots gradually. I can stick my pinky finger between the teeth on the comb my sister uses!
In: T-shirt
Out: Bath towel
Almost all of us have a pile sitting in one of bottom drawers: old t-shirts. Too big, too small, or just plain embarrassing, we can’t seem to get rid of them. While they may not be useful as a part of your wardrobe, soft cotton t-shirts are a curl-friendly alternative to towel-drying your hair. The fibers on traditional terrycloth towels are designed to absorb the maximum amount of water, but they also encourage frizz. A t-shirt is smoother but still absorbent. If nothing else, I enjoy the funny looks my family gives me when I sit down at the breakfast table with a neon-colored t-shirt wrapped around my head!
In: Diffuser
Out: Traditional hairdryer
It’s February, and in my part of the U.S., that means it’s cold. In the summer I can get away with letting my hair air dry. But when you have to leave for school and it’s 15 degrees outside, leaving the house with a wet head isn’t exactly an appealing option. Traditional hairdryers can leave us looking like we stuck our heads out of the car window. And since curly girls can’t brush their hair as it dries like our straight-haired peers, a traditional dryer can leave us with a tangled, unruly mop of hair. If you want dry hair but don’t want it to expand to several times its normal size, I highly recommend a diffuser. This bowl-shaped attachment fits on the head of your hairdryer and spreads out the air flow, making it gentler. Most diffusers have “fingers”— thin, plastic protrusions that lift your curls and encourage even airflow. You can buy a diffuser that fits your existing hairdryer (your best bet is to get one from the same company”>, or buy a hairdryer with the diffuser built in.
These three strategies work for me, but I’d love to hear from you. Do you swear by something different? Do you have a favorite tip or trick? E-mail me!
Stay Curly
Julia
Q: I have a 6-year-old daughter who’s starting school next year. In our schools in South Africa, it’s compulsory for them to wear their hair up and out of their faces. She has long, blond curly hair. It’s not a very tight curl. It looks like locks, but it does frizz around her face when it’s in a ponytail. Do you have advice for me to keep her hair from frizzing? I’d also like to have a few ideas for different ways I can take her hair up. We are getting bored with only plain ponytails and buns. I have always had really short hair so I’m not too creative when it comes to long hair.
Cozy: That “halo” of frizz is such a common problem, but one that is easily remedied! After you pull her hair back in a ponytail, rub and evenly distribute So Cozy Kooky Kiwi Styling Cream on your hands. Next, run your hands from the scalp back to the pony, smoothing the hair as you go. This should evenly apply a light layer of cream to keep hair smooth and frizz free. I prefer the Styling Cream to a gel because it won’t show at all. Sometimes the gel can change the look of the hair a little. You can also do this at any time of day to refresh. As for new styles, it’s hard to recommend any without seeing her hair. But look through magazines and see what appeals to you. Just don’t try to achieve those looks when you are rushing out the door in the morning. Experiment on the weekends or when you have some spare time. It will be a fun activity for you and your daughter!
Q: My 18-month-old daughter has very tight ringlets all over her head. If you pull her ringlets down straight, they are at the bottom of her neck. But I’m always battling knots. Should I be doing a daily routine with her hair?
Cozy: Yes, it’s so important to detangle daily before it becomes overwhelming. It is such a big problem for so many people that we created a kit just for this purpose! Try the So Cozy It Takes Two to Detangle Kit. Start with the Lucky Lime Pre-Detangling Treatment, which you use in the tub with the wide-tooth comb (it comes with the kit”>. Apply a liberal amount after shampooing, using more in tangled areas. Combing through tangles with the Pre-Detangler in her hair will be much easier and painless. Make sure to start at the bottom of the hair, holding a 1-inch section and working your way up the strand, inch by inch. Continue around her entire head. If you do this regularly, it won’t take long because it won’t be very tangled. Also in the kit is the Fruity Delight Detangler & Leave In Conditioner. This is great for removing tangles all other times of day and is also great because it is a leave-in conditioner.
Q: I have a 5-year-old daughter with medium curls. My question is how can I keep it from getting so big? It just gets so puffy by the end of the day.
Cozy: It’s a two-part answer. 1. She needs a great cut. Often it gets big because the layers are too short. Find a good curly hair stylist. 2. Products. Using the right products makes all the difference. Using adult products often weighs down the hair, making it flat and lifeless. Using no products will allow frizz and lack of curl control. You should test out different styling creams and gels to see which ones work best for her hair. I recommend using products without alcohols and parabens. It’s never too early to teach your children to be healthy and environmentally concerned.
Q: My 8-year-old wants to wear her curly hair straight. Is it okay to flat iron her hair? I want her to love her natural curls, but I also want her to feel like she has options. If I do blow out her hair or flat iron it, what types of products should I use to protect her hair from damage?
Cozy: I advise against flat ironing her hair on a regular basis, and really just save it for an extra special occasion. I know how badly it damaged my own hair so I can speak from experience. Of course the best option is to try to work with her to embrace her natural curls, but I completely understand the allure of straight hair. When you do blow it out (better than a flat iron”>, make sure to use a good leave-in conditioner first. Try So Cozy Fruity Delight Detangler, not only will it protect her hair, but it will help to prevent frizz and keep it smooth looking. Good luck!
Majoring in Curls |
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| Email your questions to Aimee. |
I keep a box full of old things that I’ve written since high school. There are academic papers, journals, scribbles on napkins – all sorts of stuff. After recently attending a two-week writers’ retreat, I got the chance to throw a whole bunch of short stories and poems into the box for posterity. As a result I ended up spending three hours reading old work, most of which I don’t even remember writing. Some of the journal entries from 8th grade had me laughing out loud. I stumbled across a compilation of poems I wrote my senior year of high school. and this was one of them.
Confessions of a Junkie
I admit to the crime, I’m a self-confessed junkie.
I spend all of my cash on the stuff.
What I need is rehab or a patch of some sort,
but I don’t think that they’d be enough.
No I don’t mean smoking, sniffing, or booze.
I wouldn’t touch that trash if you paid me.
I spend all my cash on face and hair stuff
all made to enhance one’s beauty.
I’ll linger at Brooks searching for redemption>
using up hours on end.
I’ve bought endless face washes, lotions, and sprays
the cashier has become a good friend.
Half empty bottles of mousse and of gel
litter my bureau and sink.
Results of my search for the perfect defrizzer,
a quest that is fruitless, I think.
All sorts of make-up I’ve only used once
that I bought on a whim and a want.
Of lip gloss I thought would look pretty on me
and give me a face I could flaunt.
There’s no use in trying to help me.
It’s a curse I must hide without fail.
I will always be buying and searching and seeking
the ultimate beauty Holy Grail.
The idea of the Holy Grail comes from religious stories and iconography. Historically it is known as the cup that Christ drank out of at the Last Supper, and which held his blood as he was dying on the cross. Thanks to a little book called “The Da Vinci Code,” the timeless popularity of Monty Python and the Holy Grail, Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade, and other pop culture icons, the Holy Grail has become a household phrase, even for people who aren’t religious. But the idea has changed over time. The phrase has come to mean anything that’s so mysterious and powerful that it could be potentially change a life. Who would’ve thought it might apply to a hair product?
I’m sure that many of my curly friends have a similar addiction, for which there is no cure. It’s something you have to live with, ladies. Even if you’ve found a mousse or gel that you love, after two or three months (maybe less”> you start to get itchy. You get that feeling every time you walk by the beauty aisle of the nearest pharmacy or grocery store. Even if I’m not in the market for something new, I automatically slow down and glance down the aisle. Perhaps I think that some light from the heavens will illuminate my perfect styling product.
I personally do love spending a little time in those aisles, despite the guilt, because I like looking at new products and brands. I like to read ingredient lists, smell a few concoctions and feel the textures. Over the years of being a curly girl, you figure out aspects of products you like and don’t like pretty fast.
One of the reasons many of us are regularly in search of the Holy Grail is because products we’ve grown to love stop working. Your hair seems to get used to a product. If you give it something new and fresh, it seems perks up instantly.
A not-so-pleasant side affect of this addiction is that with all this buying and testing, there’s bound to be some that you don’t care for at all. One day, you open the bathroom cupboard to find bottles and jars falling at your feet. What to do with all these barely used products? Find curly family members and friends in your area! Trade products. Luckily for me, I have two sisters and a mother all with incredibly curly hair – two with very thick hair and two with finer hair. Between the four of us, (and a curly-haired brother”>, products don’t usually go to waste very often.
I wouldn’t feel too guilty about the never-ending search for your Holy Grail. Maybe it puts a bit of a dent in your purse, but it’s okay. There are worse addictions.
Jacqueline told me that her friend “told a secret I told her and made up a rumor about our other friend.” Melissa said, “There’s a girl at school who doesn’t have many friends. She told me a bunch of secrets about people and I didn’t like it.” Vanessa lamented “I get teased by some of the people at my school. Can you tell me if there is something wrong with me? Do I have to change myself to get them to stop teasing?” Rae told me, “My two best friends sometimes pick on me or insult me. I told them how I felt and one of them stopped, but the other did it more.”
One of the unpleasant realities of youth is teasing, gossip, and rumors. It usually stems from insecurities. When kids don’t feel very good about themselves, they may put down other kids by teasing, gossiping, or spreading rumors. Some kids want to feel important or powerful so that others will like them, and they think these behaviors are the way to accomplish that. They want so badly to fit in that they will do things with a group they would never do alone. Imagine giving up your own values just because you want to belong! Deep down, they are afraid of being excluded themselves. If the person being hurt is not able to stand up to the teasing, he or she may believe the ridiculous stuff that is being said.
But when people tease, gossip, or spread a rumors, what they actually do is make themselves look untrustworthy. For example, if you had a group of friends and one person in the group was always gossiping about the others, wouldn’t you wonder if they were going to gossip about you to someone else when you weren’t around?
It can feel really awful if you’re on the receiving end of these behaviors, especially if it’s coming from somebody you consider a friend. You may feel like a victim. It stings if you believe it, and it hurts because you feel betrayed. If there is an opportunity to talk with the person alone, or with a parent, teacher, or counselor, it could help. Those who are teasing, gossiping, or spreading rumors may deny what they are doing, but they will know that you are not going to stand by helplessly when they treat you badly.
If you belong to a group that teases and excludes other kids, how would it feel if you stood up for another kid who is being teased, even if you might be standing alone? Doing what is right, instead of going along with the crowd, can make you feel powerful.
It has been 10 years since I got myself tangled up in this madness called “A Nappy Hair Affair.”
It happened by accident. Fashion is not my forte. I make my living styling words, not hair. It was never my intent to spend 10 years preoccupied with matters of the mane.
But ever since that third Sunday in May, 1998, I inadvertently stumbled upon something that has practically taken over my life — and taken on a life of its own.
On that Sunday in May, about 20 of my sister friends and I gathered in my backyard to engage in an afternoon of “nap nurturing.” We were kinky kindred spirits who came together to do each other’s hair. I invited them on a whim. It was to provide a place where they would not be harshly judged for their choice to wear their hair in styles that harken back to Africa. I would have a gathering place for my sisters who were proud of wearing the kinky textured hair they were born with.
On that Sunday, I held a “happy, nappy hair care affair,” to give props to our textured tresses. At the time I didn’t know that a simple hair grooming and pampering session would develop into something so much more significant. My nappy hair care affair became known as Hair Day and took root and grew.
It wasn’t our chatter about natural and African inspired hairstyles that inspired me to take the gatherings to another level. It was the stories that my sister friends shared about the criticism and ostracism they experienced for simply making the choice to let their hair “go back home.”
The next thing I knew, I became a nappy pride fanatic. I produced t-shirts that proclaimed, “I’m Nappy, Happy & Free,” “Twisted Sistah” and other “napfirmations.” I held lectures, produced nappy friendly videos, DVDs, cultural enrichment workshops, a stage production and a book.
My Hair Day concept inspired women and men in other cities and abroad to gather in similar fashion, giving themselves clever names such as the D.C. Naturals, EuroNaps and the Southern Kinks.
Women have gotten so caught up in the “napture” during my Hair Day gatherings and speaking engagements that they have snatched off their wigs, dunked their straightened hair in water to make it go back home on the spot. Some shaved their permed hair down to its bald beginnings. At my very first Hair Day gathering, one of my guests spontaneously allowed a stranger with no hairstyling experience to take scissors and snip her relaxed hair down to its natural roots!
While watching such extreme acts of liberation, I often found myself struggling to stifle laughter or fighting back tears.
My kink crusade has even placed me in the peculiar position of being a nappy hair ‘pundit.’
In April, 2007, I found myself on Paula Zahn Now!, the prestigious CNN national news program pontificating about the virtues of nappiness, in the wake of the controversy sparked by Don Imus’ infamous insult against the members of the Rutgers University basketball team (“nappy headed-ho’s””>.
Yup. I spend decades building a respectable reputation as Linda the journalist, but my claim to national fame didn’t come until I turned into Mosetta, the nap activist. Go figure.
I’m not complaining. Being a purveyor of nappiness has been a very challenging yet very gratifying experience. Even when I have my moments of doubt, something encouraging happens to help me stay the course.
During one of my low moments, the boost came in the form of an e-mail message all the way from The Netherlands. “I really appreciate all that you do, and I hope that I can make black women here and in Belgium just as enthusiastic to go nappy,” said Monique, a Dutch sister. “You may not realize this, but you are influencing black women globally.”
So maybe this all isn’t madness after all.
The cacao tree is as beautiful and intriguing as it is useful. One of the top economic botanical plants, Theombroma cacaos pods yield cocoa butter, cocoa powder and that confection we desire most of all during February: chocolate.
Savoring the numerous health benefits of chocolate is a nourishing treat for skin and hair—adding shine, vibrancy and improving the general health of both. By using chocolate and cocoa butter products on your hair and skin, you get to enjoy the delightful chocolaty aroma and reap the benefits of antioxidants, vitamin and mineral, while skipping the fear and guilt of overindulging this February 14th.
The Theobroma Cacao tree grows in the tropical rainforests of Central America and Africa (particularly Ghana”>, where it makes a significant impact on the local economy. The tree is a remarkable sight. It has dark brown bark, resembling the color of chocolate. White flowers grow directly from the branches and trunk of the tree. The delicate, light-colored blossoms create a sharp visual contrast against the deeply colored, rough-looking bark. In fact, the cacao tree is one of the more unusual trees that I’ve seen. The scent emitted by the trees is subtle—not the rich chocolate aroma you might expect.
The part of Theobroma Cacao used in most in natural beauty products is also edible, derived from the processed beans. This article examines cocoa butter and its benefits for the hair and skin. Then we’ll focus on the tree’s other gift: chocolate.
Cocoa Butter
Cocoa butter is created from hydraulic pressings of the cocoa nib or cocoa mass from cocoa beans, which are further refined through filtering or centrifuge. The scent of cocoa butter is removed using steam or a vacuum. Some herbalists massage therapists and aromatherapists prefer the scentless substance called deodorized cocoa butter.
Cocoa beans are 15 percent fat. Cocoa butter has been traditionally used as a skin softener, emollient, belly rub and soothing substance for burns. The oil is a very attractive as an ingredient in herbal cosmetics. It is useful as a superfatting[1] agent in soap. Oils and fats have different saponification value—”SAP values”—which is the amount that it will take to fully saponify 1 oz. of that oil. Because of this, each fat requires a different amount of lye to convert the fat to soap. Cocoa butter has a SAP value of 0.137.
Cocoa butter is a useful ingredient for vegans (those who prefer no animal products including beeswax”> since cocoa butter is a serviceable hardener, thickener and counterbalance to stickier ingredients like shea butter. An additional contribution of cocoa butter is that no solvents are involved in its manufacture; it is a human food-grade, edible ingredient. The edible aspect is appealing to those who desire wholesome, nurturing ingredients in homemade potions, creams and healing balms. Cocoa butter is widely available, ships well, is reasonably priced and has a shelf life of two to five years.
The high stearic composition allows cocoa butter to increase the hardness in handmade soaps and healing balms. In a pinch, I have substituted it for bees ax with good results. It can also be used as base oil in soap-making. When used this way, it is best combined with other oils, such as coconut oil, to produce a lather. The addition of tropical oils—coconut, palm or almond oil—also helps create a looser healing balm or salve that melts faster.
A hard soap, containing large concentrations of cocoa butter lasts for a long time in the bath. Cocoa butter-enriched soap will also hold intricate patterns of elaborate molds.
One of my favorite ways to use cocoa butter is simply to hold a small chunk of the butter in my hand as I run hot water in the bathtub. The cocoa butter melts and acts as a skin softener in the bath. After the bath, particularly during winter, I find cocoa butter useful on rough skin areas. I apply it nightly to my heels after a bath and then promptly put on cotton socks for an evening of foot softening. This also works well on calloused hands.
Black Cocoa Butter
Black cocoa butter is one of my newest obsessions. Most of you are probably familiar with the eggshell-colored cocoa butter that has been widely available for quite a while. Most of the ordinary cocoa butter that comes from Africa is processed before the seeds are allowed to germinate. With black cocoa butter, the cacao pods are germinated first, which produces a deep, espresso-colored butter that smells like roasted cocoa. As body butter, it truly lives up to the botanical name Theobroma cacao—”food of the gods.”
If you want to try something a little different in your skin-softening regimen. consider black cocoa butter because it is softer and more readily malleable than the cream-colored type. Black cocoa butter [2] is very easily absorbed by the skin,* and a nice addition to soaps, lip balms and body butters. It is useful as a hot oil treatment to condition the hair. I purchase this from Shea Terra Organics, Inc., a supplier that buys oils and butters directly from African cooperatives.
Chocolate
Chocolate itself is a newer arrival onto the skin and hair-care scene. Chocolate is derived from the same parts of the cacao tree, but is processed adding in other ingredients, such as milk, which is also good for the hair and skin. This derivative of the cocoa pod contains flavonoids called catechins—very effective antioxidants. Dark chocolate, which has hardly any sugar, is preferred for health benefits taken internally or applied externally in a spa treatment or hair-care formula. Dark chocolate has 35 percent more of the brown paste of ground cocoa beans than other chocolate so it is a concentrated formula. Lactose acid in milk has been shown to help deter wrinkles as well as smooth and refine skin texture.
For hair, lactose acts as a good humectant that helps curly tops retain moisturizer. The protein in chocolate is boosted by the milk, making it good for “natural” (without chemical relaxers or permanent colorants”> hair.
Antioxidant Benefits
Many of you are already familiar with the health benefits of green tea, and you may have noticed that it’s showing up in a growing number of hair and skin-care products. You might not be familiar with the fact that cocoa has more flavanoids, which means you are gaining a huge antioxidant boost from cacao-imbued products. In fact, chocolate may well be the best available source of flavanoid to use as a dietary ingredient, so just think of what that could do for your hair and skin.
What’s So Good In Chocolate?
Nutrients in chocolate include:
- Protein
- Riboflavin
- Vitamin A
- Thiamine
The minerals:
- Potassium
- Calcium
- Iron
- Phosphorous
- Copper
- Magnesium
Chocolate and Community
There are a wide variety of botanical-based beauty products containing cocoa butter and chocolate available in spas, salons and shops. As I mentioned, cacao is a huge economic boon to some countries. Unfortunately, the way that wealth is distributed is not always fair. It is best to buy chocolate products involved with fair-trade programs. Otherwise you may be supporting child labor or even the slavery industry, which has cropped up in parts of Africa around the chocolate industry. No organic chocolate products have been indicated in such activities, so you’re safe buying organic chocolate, cocoa butter and cacao health and beauty products.
Products containing ingredients from the cacao tree:
Oyin Handmade Burnt Sugar Pomade
Curl Junkie Guava & Protein Curl Creme
Curl Junkie Hibiscus & Banana Honey Butta Leave-in Conditioner
Curl Junkie Hibiscus & Banana Honey Creme Leave-in Conditioner
Jessicurl Weekly Deep Conditioning Treatment
Miss Jessie’s Baby Buttercreme
Miss Jessie’s Curly Buttercreme
Circle of Friends Niklas & Heidi’s Yodel-Ay-He Chocolate Shampoo
Carole’s Daughter Hair Milk
Carole’s Daughter Khoret Amen Shea Butter Hair Smoothie
Carole’s Daughter Tui Shea Butter Hair Smoothie
Carole’s Daughter Hair Balm
Carole’s Daughter Healthy Hair Butter
Somerset Toiletry Co. Cocoa Butter Intensive Hair Conditioner
Philip B. Chocolate Milk Body Wash
Hairlox Cocoa Butter All-Purpose Cream
African Vision Shea Butter Daily Hair Cream
About the author: Stephanie Rose Bird is an herbalist and aromatherapist. She is also author of “Four Seasons of Mojo: an Herbal Guide to Natural Living” and soon-to-be released book on the spirituality of Africans and trees.
